Home is a Heartbeat
by writer writing
Summary: A romance story between Thaddeus Rose and Crystal Fentress, characters from the Johnny Cash movie "Thaddeus Rose and Eddie". It takes Thaddeus years to discover home is not a place but a person.
1. Chapter 1

Thaddeus Rose was in the first grade when he felt his first stirrings of love. He didn't know what they were, but he felt them all the same. And like most little boys, he had no idea how to express it.

He fell in love with the way she, the new student, smiled at everyone in the classroom as if they were already her best friends, he fell in love with the way she drawled out Crystal Fentress, he even fell in love with her knobby knees.

He had the good fortune of the teacher choosing the empty desk in front of him for her to sit at. In another era, he would have dipped her braids in his inkwell. Instead, he declared his love by giving her ponytail a good yank.

She didn't cry out as most girls would have, but she did turn around to look at him. "You want something?" she asked.

A lump formed in his throat and he shook his head no vigorously.

At recess, he watched her out on the playground as she shimmied up to the top of the monkey bars without the slightest bit of fear and then he watched as she dangled herself upside down, her ponytail reaching toward the earth.

"Why are you paying any attention to a dumb old girl? You like her or something?" asked the skinny towheaded boy beside him.

Eddie had been his friend as long as he could remember, but calling Crystal a dumb old girl, not to mention his injured pride from the suggestion that he even liked a girl, set him off and he balled up his fist and landed a solid punch to Eddie's left eye.

"Okay, okay," Eddie said after he'd landed in the mulch and threw up his hands in surrender. "I take it back. Let's just play cowboys, okay?"

So they did. Girls forgotten. For the moment anyway.

When recess was over, the teacher saw Eddie's swollen eye. "What happened to you, Eddie?"

"I ran into the corner of the slide," Eddie answered without hesitation.

The teacher didn't look as if she believed it, if her pressed lips were any sign, but if he wasn't willing to give the child responsible for it, what could she do?

Thaddeus gave him a grin when she turned her back. Eddie was a true pal.

sss

Thaddeus stepped up his efforts in the 6th grade to get Crystal to notice him. She was aware he existed, of course. As small as their little town in Texas was, they'd been together all the way through grade school being that there was only one teacher per grade. But she paid as much attention to him as she paid to a fly on the wall or so he believed.

He found his perfect opportunity one day when the teacher on cafeteria duty had to step out to the bathroom. He picked up a glob of his gravy-covered mashed potatoes and stood up on one of the cafeteria tables. "It's time we mount a revolt, fellow students. How long must we suffer such terrible food? We have to rise up and take back the school. We are the people."

He lobbed his ammunition towards a poster about staying in school, which happened to be attached to the cafeteria's door.

He was noticed alright, by the principal, who chose that unfortunate moment to come through the swinging door and whose new tie was the causality. "In my office, Rose, now."

He went back out, trusting Thaddeus would follow, and the room that had been stone silent during the proceedings now buzzed with discussion of the event.

Defeated, he came down off the table where one of the boys tripped him for no other reason than to garner laughter from his friends. He twisted around and landed on his backside against the wall. He intended to stand back up and deck the boy. As long as he was already in trouble, he might as well go whole hog.

Crystal blocked his path, however, along with one of her friends, who stood shaking her head in disgust at him, but he barely even noticed her. It was Crystal whose reaction he was waiting for.

"You are the biggest goof I have ever seen in my life," Crystal said.

She was laughing at him, not just giggling but hearty laughter. He wasn't sure that had been the reaction he'd been after. He had been acting silly, but he'd wanted her to be impressed at his willingness to stand up against authority, at his willingness to have a little fun on an otherwise dreary day.

He hung his head in embarrassment but found he was rewarded with his first kiss. A quick, sweet peck right on his cheek. It was over almost before he knew it had began, but the sensation of it lingered there a little longer. It was as if butterfly wings had brushed against him. He wanted to clasp the side of his face and somehow capture the kiss forever. If that was the prize for being a goof, he gladly accepted the title.


	2. Chapter 2

Despite Thaddeus being the first Crystal had ever kissed, even if it was just a simple kiss on the cheek, he was not her first boyfriend. That honor belonged to a 10th grade jock, who thought he ruled the town because he played on the football team.

This boyfriend of hers was always waiting for her outside after school and then they walked to the diner where they would grab a bite to eat and work on homework together. She usually held his hand on this walk too, causing Thaddeus to burn with jealousy.

He didn't do much about it though. Crystal was beginning to fill out nicely and had caught the admiring attention of a number of older boys. How was he supposed to compete with high schoolers?

Of course, he still tried periodically to catch her attention. He seemed to be able to make her laugh at will, but it was her romantic interest he wanted. Maybe the trouble was that she took his adoration of her for granted. He figured it was possible that he could make her jealous too, so he asked out Gracey Higgins.

Gracey was a pretty girl, but that was about all she had going for her. She wasn't too bright and she was very self-absorbed. She said yes to him though.

About halfway there, Gracey pulled him over to a shadowed wall and the kiss she gave him was one of experience. He found that even though he didn't particularly care for her on a personal level, he kind of liked it when she kissed him. As a matter of fact, he liked it a lot.

Still, it didn't make him forget his true goal. "I thought you were going to a bite to eat with me," he said to her when she pulled away to gauge his reaction.

Gracey was disappointed it hadn't elicited a bigger response from him, but she went with him to the diner. The little eatery was a popular teen hangout and lots of couples came there after school.

He made sure he had his arm around Gracey's shoulders when he came through the door and he asked in a loud voice, "Where would you like to sit?"

Crystal looked up and saw them together, but her expression was one of indifference and her eyes went back to her textbook, which seemed crueler to him than anything else she could have done.

He was here though, so they took a seat at the bar near Crystal's table. He was interested on eavesdropping on their conversation. He wanted to hear and see what this guy had that he didn't have.

Gracey chattered about some inane topic and he nodded every once and a while as if he were listening to her every word while they sipped on cokes.

He didn't overhear much though as they really were working on homework or at least Crystal was.

"Stop, Seth," she said. "I got work to get done. You do too."

Thaddeus twisted in his seat to see what he was doing to her.

"But I'd rather study you," Seth said in a tone that was not at all romantic.

Seth must have been doing something under the table because she said a little more insistently, "I mean it. Stop it. You're making me uncomfortable."

Seth only grinned and Thaddeus couldn't restrain himself any longer. He went up to their table. "Hey, the lady said to keep your hands off her."

"Go away, Thaddeus. This don't concern you," Seth said. He didn't even look at him, thinking an 8th grade boy who hadn't even begun to hit his growth spurt wasn't even worth his attention.

"The name's TR and you're dumber than dirt if you think I'm going to let you keep bothering her. No means no."

The insult had caught his attention. "Why you little nobody. Who said you could go sticking your nose in other people's business anyway?"

He ground his teeth in anger and then pulled him up from the booth, away from Crystal. "I said so."

Three other boys ran up from various spots in the diner stood up and joined Seth; Seth had buddies. That was okay. Thaddeus had a buddy too. Eddie was right by his side as dependable as clockwork. It quickly became a free-for-all as fists began to fly.

Vioreen, who'd just graduated high school and was the daughter of the diner's owner, tried to put a stop to the fight. "Come on, guys. I'm trying to prove to my dad that I can run the place. How's it going to look if you tear the diner apart on my watch?"

All the diner's patrons got away from them and waited it out towards the back, except for Crystal, who was fairly safe at her place next to the glass. No one fighting paid Vioreen's protests any attention and chairs and tables became upturned as it was rather tight quarters. Salt and pepper shakers spilled out on the floor along with orders. The floor became a slippery mess.

When the fight was over, all the boys looked a little worse for the wear, but it was Seth and his buddies who had taken the brunt of the beating and ended up being the ones who'd given in. If there was one thing Thaddeus knew, it was how to pack a punch and keep them coming.

"Come on, Crystal, let's go somewhere a little quieter," Seth said. "Away from these goons."

"I'm not going anywhere with you," she said in a quiet but firm voice.

Seth gave her a look of disbelief first. Then it changed to one of anger. "Fine, you're just a little girl anyway." He went to leave but stopped when he saw Gracey. "What about you and me going off together? You look like a girl who knows how to have fun."

Of course, Gracey up and left him to go with Seth, but Thaddeus didn't give a hoot.

Eddie laughed at his side. "Your fists were flying like a couple of sledgehammers. I don't guess they'll take you on again anytime soon. I'm glad I'm with you and not against you. Folks should start calling you Sledge."

"Well, Sledge, you can bring you bring your hammer fists over here and help get this place back together," Vioreen said. She wasn't as mad as she could have been. She didn't like Seth either. "You too, Eddie."

Eddie started pulling chairs and table back up, but Thaddeus' attention was on Crystal. She had gotten up and went over to him. "Thanks for sticking up for me. You're a sweet person. And I'm sorry Seth took your girlfriend."

It took Thaddeus a moment to realize she spoke of Grace and not herself. "Aww, that's alright. I didn't much like her anyway." He shoved his hands in his pocket and asked nervously but hopefully. "Can I walk you somewhere?"

"Naw, my father's just over yonder getting some work done to the tractor. I'm going to take my homework over there. By the way, your name ain't so bad. Not real common, but it's a strong name, the name of a disciple. That's nothing to be ashamed about if you ask me. I've always liked it."

"Well, if you want to call me Thaddeus, that's okay by me," he said. He sounded like a lovesick puppy even to his own ears, but she could call him whatever she pleased as far as he was concerned.

"Course, Sledge, might not be too far off the mark either," she added with a smile.

She liked to tease him that was plain. Did that mean she liked him too or she thought him an object of scorn? The warm smile that went with the teasing made him think it was the latter and it gave him encouragement.


	3. Chapter 3

The screen door flapped, making some racket.

"Where you going, boy?" his uncle called from somewhere inside the house.

Boy, that's all he ever called him as if he couldn't even be bothered to recall his name. "To a party."

"Well, don't go getting into trouble cause I won't bail you out of it."

Thaddeus' parents had died when he was 5 in a car accident, but being hardworking folks, who planned for the future, the ranch had been owned free and clear and they'd had a will drawn up for just such an event, declaring Thaddeus right and legal owner when he turned 18.

His uncle had moved back to town to take care of him and the property because that's what family did for each other, but it was duty and not love that made him come back. He knew as soon as he turned 18, his uncle would resume the rambling, drifter kind of lifestyle he'd been interrupted from and that he resented Thaddeus for stopping it in the first place.

On the plus side, Thaddeus wasn't given a lot of grief about where he was or who he was hanging with.

The party he went to was his first true high school party. It was down at the lake with no adult supervision and only certain people got invited. A big bonfire had been built to stave off the cool, fall weather. Some kids roasted hotdogs or marshmallows but mostly it was a beer drinking party. Thaddeus hadn't known that before he came, but it didn't scare him off.

Eddie had been invited too, of course. He wouldn't have gone if he hadn't. He'd arrived there before Thaddeus though. He'd already had one beer and was working on a second. "Here, try one, Sledge. It'll loosen you right on up. It's something."

Thaddeus took the bottle from him and declared, "I'll try anything once." He took a long swig of it. The taste wasn't what he expected; it was a bitter, watery drink that he didn't enjoy, but he kept taking sips anyway. Mostly because he didn't want Eddie outdoing him. He soon discovered he liked the buzz that accompanied the beverage. It was a warm, almost happy feeling that spread through his insides.

He saw Crystal on the edge of the crowd. Her short, permed waves looked red in the firelight and her lips looked even redder, making him think things he shouldn't. He didn't know when she'd started wearing lipstick, but it definitely made her more alluring. She'd come alone from the look of things. She didn't have a beer in her hand and her eyes were darting around nervously.

He noticed a hot dog that had been pulled out from the fire and still had flames on it. He took it from the girl and put the stick stabbed through its middle between his teeth. He jumped up onto a log empty of people with his face craned towards the sky and not down on the log. If he fell off, and there was a definite possibility of that with his drinking, he'd likely get burned by it, but that's what was so daring about it.

He received cries of encouragement like "Go, Sledge" and "You can do it, Sledge." The nickname had stuck since Eddie had given it to him last year and more called him that now than didn't.

One of his feet hit empty air at last and he jumped down with as much flare as he could muster. His balancing act was appreciated with applause and laughter, not that it was a tough crowd to please what with most having imbibed. His eyes searched for only one person in the crowd though, but the spot where she'd been sitting had been abandoned and he noticed her receding outline just a little ways away.

"Hey, Crystal, wait up!" Thaddeus called, giving chase. She stopped and let him catch up to her. "Why you leaving so soon?"

She shrugged and started walking again. "A girl friend of mine invited me, but I didn't know there was going to be drinking. It's just not my idea of a good time. I'm not even much for parties normally."

"I know what you mean," he agreed.

"You do not. You were the life of the party back there." She eyed the half drunk beer bottle he still held in his hand. "And you were clearly fitting in just fine."

He tossed the beer bottle into the woods. It landed somewhere out of sight. "Some racoon's going to be awful hung over in the morning."

She laughed, but it was a short laugh. "What would your uncle say about you drinking beer?" She wasn't condemning with the way she asked the question, only curious.

"I don't know. He takes a drink now and again. He'd probably just think it was boys being boys."

"Well, I can tell you what my daddy would do if he even smelled beer on me. Ground me for life."

"Good thing you left then. I could take it or leave it, the beer. It didn't even taste that good. So what do you like to do for fun then?"

"Oh, I don't know. Curl up with a good book, go horseback riding, take a walk, piddle around at the stove." He didn't say anything right away. "You can say it. I'm a wet blanket."

"No, you're not."

"You're thinking it," she accused with a smile.

"What I think is you're a nice girl and I respect you for not drinking."

"Well, thanks. You going to walk me all the way home? Don't you want to get back?" she asked, looking in that direction where the fire was now only a glimmering speck.

"Nah, I'd rather be with you."

"That's a strange thing to say," she observed.

"We've known each other all our lives, haven't we?"

"Practically," she agreed.

He took a deep breath. He wanted to make a move, had for awhile, and now was as good a time as any. "And you ain't noticed in that time that I like you? I've had a crush on you for as long as I can remember."

She looked surprised, but it was a look of pleasant surprise. "Really?"

"Really." His confidence wavered only slightly. "You want to go to a movie sometime or something or if you don't like going to movies, we can-"

"No, I like going to movies," she said, showing mercy by cutting off his nervous rambling. "How about tomorrow afternoon? I can have my father drop me off there. Did you have any particular movie in mind?"

"No, but I'll call you tomorrow morning just to make sure you can still go and tell you what's playing and when it starts. It's a date then?" he asked.

"It's a date," she agreed.

She was so calm about it, but he was grinning from ear to ear. He felt like jumping for joy like it was Christmas and his birthday all rolled into one and he couldn't wait for tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

Thaddeus had never taken a girl to the movies, but he'd chosen for them to see "Unconquered". It was an adventure film set in colonial America. He wondered if she'd rather have gone to the mushy movie "Forever Amber" instead, but considering the girl on the movie poster was draped in the arms of a captain and wearing a risqué-looking dress, he had a feeling romance played at least a part of "Unconquered".

"I hope you don't mind the movie I picked," he told her out in front of the small movie theater.

"I don't mind at all. I've been wanting to see it. Gary Cooper's my favorite actor."

He eyed the poster more closely with a small twinge of jealousy. He realized it wasn't rational to feel that way about a movie star and one that was old enough to be their father, but he suddenly cooled considerably towards the actor.

He paid for their tickets and sprang for a small popcorn to share in hopes that their hands would accidentally touch.

Crystal felt his eyes on her periodically throughout the movie. She pretended not to notice, but the occasional twitch of her lips, no doubt gave her away.

He did the classic pretend to stretch, so he could have an excuse to put his arm behind her. That time she did smile, but she really didn't mind.

Crystal had liked him a long time too, not thought of him as boyfriend material per se, but she admired his carefree, spontaneous attitude. They were so different that she didn't know if anything could come from it, but she enjoyed his company, so she decided not to worry about it.

"He wasn't so great," Thaddeus said when the movie was over.

"He saved the girl from the Indians. That was pretty impressive." She gave an exaggerated lovesick sigh just to tease. "You got to love the way he strolled into their camp so stoically."

"Hmm," he grumbled, "if that'd been real life they would've thrown a tomahawk through his head."

She laughed. "You are too much."

They emerged from the darkened theater into the blinding sunlight. Crystal's father was already waiting in his truck to get her. No accident Thaddeus was sure.

"I had a good time," she admitted to him.

"Yeah? You want to go out again?" he asked.

"I don't see why not. You want to meet at Vioreen's café for a milkshake after school Monday?"

"Your father won't mind?" he asked, looking at Mr. Fentress as he impatiently tapped the steering wheel.

"As long as we're with a group, he won't mind. See you then."

And so began their dating.

It was weeks before he built up the nerve to kiss her. He'd kissed a few girls since Grace Higgens and felt confident about his technique because of it but none of those girls had made his palms sweat and his stomach fill with butterflies. She was the only one he knew who could make him feel shy, but for some reason, he liked it.

The lake became a special meeting place for them as it was a halfway point between their houses. However, she made sure she never met him after dark or even close to sunset, whether that her rule or her father's, he didn't know.

He skipped a rock while they sat talking about nothing in particular. It skimmed the surface about 5 times before it sank.

"I never have been able to do that though I've tried enough times," Crystal said.

"It's not so hard once you know how to do it." He looked for another smooth, flat rock and then placed it into her palm, elated at the chance for a valid reason to touch her so intimately. He put his hand over hers and bent back her wrist. "When we flick forward, let go of it quickly. It's all about having the right angle and it's got have a spin on it. Those are the two most important parts."

He physically guided her though the process of releasing the rock. It only skipped twice, but it did skip. "Well, look at that," she said. "You make a fine teacher."

"Crystal," he said, whispering her name while she was still so close.

She turned her head and their lips met softly. It wasn't a deep kiss just a short and sweet one, but it still gave him pleasurable tingles.

He kissed that way because he knew Crystal was the type who had to take things slow and he didn't want to risk doing anything to scare her off.

The sun was still far above the horizon, but she jumped up. "I got to get going. It's getting late and there's chores to do. Daddy'll be wondering where I'm at, but I'll see you tomorrow."

He grinned. She was flustered from the kiss, but he'd seen her expression before she turned. She'd enjoyed it as much as he had.


	5. Chapter 5

Rumors were cruel, vicious things that generally were completely fictional. But sometimes they were true. And nowhere did they thrive better than in a high school among the girls.

Crystal's locker was open, hiding her face from view, so it was possible the 2 girls didn't even know she was standing there. Possible but not likely.

"He asked me out on a date, but I said no. He'll go out with anybody."

"Well, I'd go out with Sledge. He's getting deliciously tall and I hear the girls always have a good time if you know what I mean."

She'd heard enough, more than she had wanted to. She slammed her locker shut to stop the conversation.

"Oh, hi, Crystal. We didn't see you standing there," crooned one of the girls sweetly.

She didn't believe the syrupy tones for a minute. "So it would seem."

The bell rang, signaling the end of the day. Their study hall teacher had let them out a little early, but now the halls flooded with other students. She was in a hurry to go. She didn't want to see Thaddeus, at least not until she'd had time to think.

She didn't make it out in time though as he called out her name. She tried to keep walking like she didn't hear him, but it didn't discourage him.

He pushed his way through the crowd and then took her books from her to lighten her load without her asking.

"I heard they opened a skating rink up just a couple miles up the road. You want to go try it out, Saturday?"

"Sounds nice, but I got some work to catch up on. Maybe another time."

"You're upset about something," Thaddeus said.

"I'm not."

"You are," he argued. "I can tell."

Crystal had thought she was good at hiding what she was feeling but apparently not from Thaddeus. She sighed and stopped walking. "Maybe we should take a break. See other people."

His eyes widened. "Why? What'd I do?"

"Because apparently you already are anyway. Seeing other girls."

The look of guilt confirmed the rumor.

"Look, I'm not mad, Thaddeus," she said gently. "You're 15. I get that."

"Almost 16," he reminded her.

"Why should you settle for one girl when you're young and handsome enough to have a different girlfriend for every day of the week?"

"Who says I want one for every day of the week? I want to go steady with you." It was a spur of the moment decision, no doubt to keep her from breaking up with him. He held out his free hand for her to take it.

Wanting and doing were two different things. Thaddeus could be endearing one minute and then so childish the next. She didn't have high hopes about it, but for some reason, Crystal didn't seem to have the power to say no to him. Maybe it was because she could see how the tragedy of losing his parents so young and being raised by an uncle who didn't care could make it hard for him to form attachments to people or maybe she just didn't want to say no. "I'd like that," she said at last, taking the offered hand and hoping she didn't live to eat her words.

They resumed walking, but she didn't miss his head craning to look at a senior girl walking by not even 5 seconds later. In his defense, the girl wore a dress that hugged her body much too tightly. However, she had a feeling that it wouldn't be the last time she would have to hear about him being with another girl from someone else.

Thaddeus stood at the door of the school and watched Crystal ride off with her father.

"You and Crystal won't last," Eddie said prophetically, suddenly at his side.

Thaddeus started working his fingers like he was gearing up to punch something or someone.

"Now don't get offended, Sledge. I just mean you're like me. You enjoy the thrill and challenge of getting a pretty girl the same way you like fishing. Now you've landed her and it won't be long before you throw her back. Fish like getting thrown back, but girls don't like it so good."

"Aww, you're crazy," he said, shrugging off the words. "Girls ain't fish and I don't intend on letting Crystal go anytime soon. Maybe you're just jealous of how much time I've been spending with her."

"Nah, that ain't it. I happen to like Crystal. She always has a smile for everyone at youth group."

"What are you doing talking with Crystal at youth group?"

"I didn't say I talked to her. I just said I liked her. Of course, if you're so worried about what she's doing at church, you could go you know."

Thaddeus just shook his head.

"Well, what do you say to going and dressing some cows up? Joel's Aunt Myrtle is staying with them and she's the size of a barn. She's got a whole suitcase full of dresses. We can get them onto the cows quicker than a wink."

"Now what would I want to do that for? I got my own cows to dress up if I took a notion."

He laughed. "Cause it's funny when it's someone else's cows and just think how funny Aunt Myrtle's going to find it."

That elicited a smile. "I'll meet you after dinner."


	6. Chapter 6

"You going out with that Rose boy again?" Crystal's father asked from his cozy chair in the living room.

"Yep," she said, feeling the back of her ear to make the earring back was pushed all the way in. "He said something about having a surprise."

"I don't like him," he grumbled, peering out the window for Thaddeus as if speaking of him was going to immediately bring him there. "I've heard he's too popular with the girls and that he goes off with that friend of his to drink on Saturday nights and get into mischief."

Crystal had heard all those things herself and more. Apparently she and Thaddeus had two totally different ideas of what going steady meant or he just couldn't help himself. Still, she shrugged her father's concerns off. "Oh, he's alright. He puts on a big show sure enough, but he's got a good heart."

He jerked his head away from the window at her defense of him and looked at her sharply. "You plan on marrying that boy?"

"Daddy, what a question. We ain't even out of school yet."

"It's a good question. He's the only one you ever go out with. You ain't going to come home and tell me I'm going to be a granddaddy one day, are you?"

"Daddy, really," She shook her head with exasperation, amusement, and indignation all rolled into one.

The father and daughter had always been a close pair. When Crystal was 7, she'd lost her mother to a difficult childbirth and her little brother had been stillborn. Her father unable to deal with the memories, had packed up and moved them down to Texas. He put all his energies into protecting his little girl.

"Might be a good time to clean my rifle," he grumbled.

She laughed. "If I ever decide to marry Thaddeus or even have a baby with him, you'll be the first to know," she promised before kissing the top of his head.

She gave up on waiting when he didn't show in the next 30 minutes. Thaddeus was almost always late and sometimes he forgot to call when something came up and other times he came when he wasn't expected at all. Times and schedules meant little to him. Thaddeus had gotten his license a couple of months ago and had been borrowing Eddie's car to get her.

She had her overalls on and was carrying two fresh buckets of milk, one in each hand, when an unfamiliar pickup truck came rolling or bumping was more like down the road, coming to a stop in front of the gate, the brakes letting out an unholy squeal.

She wasn't so surprised to see that Thaddeus was the driver.

"I thought you wasn't coming," she said though it was obvious from her dress.

"I'll always come to you sooner or later," he said with a grin. He got out of the truck. "How do you like it?" he asked, patting it like it was an old family pet.

"That's the ugliest thing that I've ever had the misfortune to lay my eyes on," she said with a chuckle.

It was an old, rusty farm vehicle painted a forest green color or at least it had been at one time, the years had faded the color. The corner of the front fender was a little smashed in. If one squinted though it did have a nice body shape.

"My uncle traded a cow for it," he said proudly. "A belated birthday present."

Crystal frowned at the mention of his uncle. A 16th birthday was supposed to be a special occasion and the only way the day had been marked was by the gifts she and Eddie had gotten him. No cake, no nothing from him. The truck was the least he could have done. "Does it drive okay?" she asked, not sure she wanted to get in that scrapheap.

"Mostly. The windows don't go up anymore and it makes some noise, but it moves and I'm going to work on it in my spare time until it's purring like a kitten."

"You might could fix it up," she agreed. Though she knew more than likely he wouldn't. Thaddeus had a tendency to start a lot of projects but few of them ever got completed.

"So you still going driving with me? You know what they say all work and no play-"

"Makes Jane a dull girl," she finished. "You think I'm dull?"

"Naw, you're dependable and a hard worker. I like that. I'm just trying to goad you into coming. So did it work?"

"You realize the wind's going to wreck havoc on my hair and heaven forbid that it rains."

"It's clear skies and your hair'll be fine."

"I'm probably going to regret this," she said.

He went over and opened the passenger side. The door stuck a little but he jerked it open and then gave an elegant sweep of the hand. "Your carriage awaits."

"I got to go get changed first and put the milk down."

"Oh, you look fine. We ain't going nowheres special."

"Just like we weren't going nowheres special last week. I like to about died when you took me to that party in my blue jeans."

"Well, it wasn't special. Just friends hanging out."

She snorted before going in to get changed. Her father was dozing in his chair, but he woke up when she came in.

"Thaddeus done went and got himself a truck. No more borrowing Eddie's car."

"Lord, have mercy on the people of Floresville, Texas if them two are both on wheels now."

Crystal laughed. "His driving ain't that bad, but no doubt some prayers couldn't hurt."

"Where you two going?"

"I don't know. I didn't ask. I guess that's part of the surprise."

He got out of his chair and handed her a coin. "Here's a dime, in case you need to call."

"Thanks, Daddy."

She changed quickly and was back outside in less than 5 minutes.

"I'm surprised your daddy trusts me alone in a truck with you," Thaddeus commented when they got down the road a piece.

"Oh, he doesn't trust you, but he trusts me."

He looked a little wounded.

She reached over and patted his knee. "Don't worry. I trust you."

His grin turned devilish, which was never a good sign. He whipped around the curves in the road and gunned the pedal like there was no tomorrow. Her knuckles became white from gripping the dashboard. She was most relieved when they left the road as he pulled into the grass. It would have been disaster if somebody had been coming the other way.

"Do you ever scream?" he asked.

"No, but I might knock you in the head if you try you that again."

He didn't seem worried. He turned the engine off, leaned back and then put his hands over his head in a resting position. "Ain't it a perfect place to park?"

"You ought to have your license revoked." It was a pretty spot she had to admit, but she was a little annoyed from the ride. "You drug me out this time of night to look at a river I've seen all my life? How many other girls you brung here?"

"Just you."

She believed him. One thing he wasn't was a liar. If you didn't want to know something, you had better not ask. So there was a lot that she didn't ask him.

He reach down and grabbed two darkly colored bottles. They were still chilled and it explained why he was late if he'd stopped to get them.

"It's just pop," he told her, sensing she'd been wondering if it was an alcoholic beverage.

The night air was right chilly since the window weren't working and they had to scoot in closer to keep warm. She wondered if that's why he hadn't been in any hurry to get the windows fixed.

He regaled her with a race he and Eddie'd had the other day in their respective vehicles.

"But this hunk of junk went right off the road toward Old Mrs. Brooks' house and knocked her white picket fence plum down," he said laughingly. "That's where the bump in the fender came from. Good thing her cows were tucked out safely in the barn or they'd have been scared out of a week's worth of milk."

"That's terrible. That ain't funny. That poor old widow lady's going to have to find somebody to fix her fence and she ain't got much money."

"Aw, Eddie and I went back and fixed it for her the next day. We even gave it a new paint job."

"I love you," she said for the first time. It was probably the wrong time and place to say it, but Crystal felt it with all her heart. She knew who had paid for the paint without asking and whose idea it had been to give that extra help. He could be a bit wild, but he would give away his last dollar to help somebody.

He responded to her declaration with a beaming smile and then he pulled her to him as suddenly as the words had slipped out of her mouth. He kissed her with fire and fervor. His kisses were a little more wild than he'd attempted thus far, exploring her face and neck. He even whispered sweet nothings in ear, but it didn't escape her notice that none of them were "I love you too."


	7. Chapter 7

The stars glittered like diamonds on a black velvet sky. A full moon cast its glowing reflection on the murky lake. A more romantic night couldn't have been found.

Graduation was tomorrow. Thaddeus' uncle had done cleared out, not even sticking around to see him graduate.

"I bet it gets a mite lonely up at your house," she mentioned.

"No more than it ever was," he said with a shrug. "It's just a place to sleep."

They listened to the music of the night for a long time just basking in each other's company. They both seemed to know deep down that this night wasn't going to last forever, that it was the ending of something. They seemed to be trying to soak in every little detail in response.

"Folks kind of expect us to get married, don't they?" Thaddeus asked. He tried to sound casual, but the words were weighted down with meaning. It was his way of proposing, his way of offering to marry her.

"I reckon they do." When folks around Floresville thought high school sweethearts, they thought of Thaddeus and Crystal. After all, they'd been going out together for 4 years.

The crickets had stopped their song. It was as if they waited in anticipation of her answer.

She could see the future if she married Thaddeus as plain and clear as if it was happening right in front of her. They would have a nice little church wedding and a month or two of wedded bliss. Then it would start. He'd begin to neglect responsibilities around the house, which would lead to arguments. He'd want to go drinking and hanging out with Eddie just to get away from it. He wouldn't be happy having to be with the same woman day in, day out and he would fool around with other girls. Things she could halfway overlook while they were dating but would break her heart as his wife. He'd leave her alone with a houseful of chores and kids. They would become disillusioned with each other and their love would soon burn out even if they managed to stay together. Love wasn't enough.

"But that don't mean we have to," she said at last.

He let out a huge sigh of relief. He looked as if he'd escaped a death sentence or at least a lifetime of incarceration. It amused her a little, but it mostly made her sad. He hadn't even tried to put up a fight. It wouldn't have taken much to convince her she was wrong; 4 little words would have been all he would've had to say to alter everything. "Will you marry me?", but he didn't and he wouldn't. And it was just as well.

"We can still be friends though," she added.

That let some of the air out of his sails. "Friends? I don't want to be your friend, Crystal."

"Oh," she said, suddenly finding the lake very interesting, willing herself not to cry as tears burned behind her eyes.

He grabbed her hand. "I didn't mean it like that. I just mean why can't things keep going the way they are? Why's anything got to change?"

"Because it can't keep going this way. If our relationship is headed nowhere, it's time to end it. Past time."

He looked like a kicked puppy. "If that's the way you feel."

"That's the way I feel," she said more firmly than she felt. The magic of the night was gone. "You going to take me back in your truck or do I have to walk back?"

"No, I'm going to take you back," he said, standing up.

He stopped the engine in front of her gate and leaned in for the usual parting kiss.

"Goodnight, Thaddeus," she said, her words were like a bucket of cold water to him. He still didn't quite seem to get it that it was over between them.

She hurried inside, not daring to look back. A burnt smell assaulted her nose. "Daddy, you alright?"

"Yeah, I just burned my supper is all," he muttered. "I know you left it ready to be warmed, but I can't even seem to heat food up right."

She smiled through her tears. At least somebody needed her. "Just hang on, Daddy. I'll whip up something else. We'll feed the burnt stuff to the chickens." She'd tried to sound chipper but the trembling in her voice had given her away.

"What's wrong, baby?" he asked, turning from the sink where he'd been trying to scrub the burnt residue from the pot.

"Oh, Daddy," she said, crying into his shirt. "Thaddeus and I broke up." She released the sobs she'd been holding back.

He let her cry and then he said, "It'll be okay, Crystal. I know you liked him and that it hurts a little at first, but he ain't the only boy in the world. You'll meet somebody else."

"Just like you met somebody else?" she asked.

"That was different. There wasn't nobody in the world like your mother."

He didn't understand. There was nobody in the world like Thaddeus either. Did a Fentress only give their heart away once? She hoped not. She prayed not.

"This is all a part of God's plan, His best for you," her father continued. "You'll see. And you'll always have me."


	8. Chapter 8

Except, she didn't always have him. Her father died of a heart attack one hot summer day in 1953 doing what he loved best, riding.

She'd known something was wrong when the brown mare had come back to the house empty of its rider. She'd immediately dialed 0 for the operator and asked for medical help. It was too late though. It had been massive and quick, according to the doctor, which was a small mercy.

A couple of ladies from church had come over and helped her through the unfamiliar process of selecting a burial plot, a coffin, and the like. And they and other folks from church had brought food. Lots of it, more food than one person could eat. She'd eaten some of it at the usual mealtimes though she might as well have been eating sandpaper for all of her ability to taste it.

She'd never know how she continued to function directly after her loss, but she did. It was like she was half dreaming or half awake those first couple of days, drawing comfort from her customary routine. If she hadn't had the farm work to carry her through, she didn't know what she would have done. Go crazy with sorrow, she supposed.

The blanket of grief was heavy over her at the funeral, however. It was well attended and it was a thing she was grateful for, but she felt so alone even in the midst of this crowd. She'd drifted apart from the 2 closest friends she'd had growing up. One had gone away to college and the other had gotten married and had a baby, meaning she didn't have much in common with either friend anymore. She had no kin to speak of. There might have been some distant cousins, but no one she spoke to or that she knew at all. Her dearest companion, the man that loved her, was in the ground, gone to join her mother and brother.

One face she did pick out in her crushing bereavement was Thaddeus'. She was touched by his presence there and even more touched that he was wearing a suit. He hadn't even put on a tie for graduation. She'd seen him quite a lot since their breakup 3 years ago. There was nowhere to hide in a town their size. They always greeted each other with a friendly nod even a hi sometimes, always maintaining a perfectly polite exterior when she fell apart on the inside at every meeting.

When all the others had gone, even the pastor, Thaddeus remained. He slowly came toward her until he was standing right behind her.

She just stood there, studying the headstone, trying to let the reality of it sink in. "I just can't believe he's gone."

He responded by put his arm comfortingly around her shoulders and running his hand soothingly up and down her upper arm.

"Thank you for coming. I know you and he weren't particularly close."

"He didn't like me much, but I always thought he was a good man and he loved you. He made me wish I remembered more about my own father."

She laid her head against his shoulder. Thaddeus sucked in a sharp breath and tried to remember why they'd broken up. And he felt like a cad for thinking what he was thinking at a time like this. He'd come just to show her that he cared, not to put any moves on her.

"He would've have found something not to like about anybody that dated his little girl. It wasn't personal."

Thaddeus had a feeling it would have been personal if he'd known the way they'd carried on in the truck sometimes. They'd always been careful not to cross a certain line though or more like she'd been careful. It'd always been her to pull back at the last.

"Momma, would've liked you and you would've liked her," she said suddenly. "And Daddy would've learned to like you given half a chance."

He wasn't so sure of that, but it was nice of her to say so. "You need a ride?"

She wasn't so sure she wanted to leave. It would be a true ending and all she had to go back to was an empty house.

He brought his hand over hers. "Come on," he urged.

She let him lead her to his truck.

She almost smiled when she saw it. "You still got this old thing?"

"Yeah," he said with a small smile of his own.

She was silent during the ride to the house. He was too.

She started toward the gate when she got out but then turned around and begged, "Don't leave me, Thaddeus."

He couldn't say no to that, to her. He shut the engine off and went inside with her.

He sat down on the end of the couch and then patted his lap. She didn't need a bigger invitation than that and she laid down, putting her head on his lap. He took her grandmother's afghan from the back of the couch and covered her up. She was so vulnerable. He could have taken advantage of that vulnerability, but he didn't.

"I need a friend," she said in a small voice.

He still didn't know if he could be that friend because he wanted to be so much more, but he was willing to try for her sake. "I can be your friend."


	9. Chapter 9

Crystal had to get the hay in. She had already mowed it days ago. She'd almost finished baling too with a baler that was attached to the small 20 horsepower tractor, but it was a lot of hay and a job her father had usually taken care of.

She looked up at the sky. Not a cloud to be seen, but a wet spell was coming at the end of the month, according to the Farmer's Almanac, and she needed the hay desperately to see the cattle through the winter. Rain would set up mold and make the crop completely useless. She had less than 2 weeks.

She looked back at her progress. Neat bales of hay up and down the fields, automatically tied with twine by the baler. They practically mocked her. She would have to go back to load them into the wagon when she finished baling. Just not enough time and she was not used to throwing bales of hay, her body already ached at the thought.

She wondered if she would have to sell the farm, a heartbreaking contemplation. Her father had poured his sweat and blood into getting this place to eke out an income for them, however small. She didn't have enough to pay for help at the moment what with the burial. Everyone she knew who could help, as one neighbor to another, was busy with their own farms.

"God help me," she prayed, completely out of viable options. It was already midmorning and there were still more bales to make.

A figure appeared in the distance like a cowboy in a western picture.

A sigh of relief escaped from her mouth and the tension melted. "Am I ever glad to see you," she said when Thaddeus got in hearing distance. "Can you spare some time to help?"

"Yep, that's why I'm here. I already got my hay in. You got a flatbed wagon I can attach to my truck?"

"Sure do. Out in the barn and the hook's hanging on the wall. Bless you, Thaddeus."

He shrugged off her thanks and went to get the required items.

She finished baling the hay; the sun was now high in the sky. "You need a break?" she called to him from the tractor.

"Nah, this ain't nothing. Do whatever you need to do at the house or with the cows. I'll get it in before the rain."

So she made him lemonade and took it out to him. He'd removed his shirt while she was gone and was covered in a sheen of sweat. She tried desperately hard not to look, but of course, she had to hand the glass to him and then take it back when he was finished.

"Thanks, Crystal. You know how to get it just right, not too sour and not too sweet."

"I'm making you lunch. You want to stay for supper too?"

"I don't want to put you out."

"It's the least I can do," she argued.

He smiled. "Okay then."

It took him the whole week to get it all in. Sometimes he had Eddie helping him, but he refused her help. He said there were other things for her to see to and there were.

"I don't know how I can ever repay you," she said when all the hay was safely stored in the shed.

"Friends do things for each other just because, don't they?" Thaddeus asked.

"I guess they do," she agreed.

It had been a lovely week all in all. It was almost as if they were playing house even though he'd always gone home after supper. She would definitely miss seeing him everyday.

"There's supposed to be a good movie coming on tonight," she said. "You wouldn't want to stay and watch, would you?"

"That sounds real nice. Friends watch movies together after all."

They took a seat on the couch. He worked his shoulders up and down every so often, indicating that his muscles were a little tight.

"You're kind of sore, aren't you?" she asked.

"A little," he admitted.

She went behind the couch and put her hands on his shoulders. "Friends can give each other a massage, can't they? And you wouldn't be in this shape if it wasn't for me."

She concentrated on working out the knots and not on the hard, lean muscle under her fingers. He still smelled like the freshly-mown hay and it played hard on her senses. She shut her eyes a moment, but that only made it worse and heightened her attraction.

Thaddeus couldn't deny the gentle yet firm ministrations weren't making him feel better, but it was sheer torture too. He wanted nothing more than to grab those sweet hands and pull her down on top of him. Instead, he gently took her left hand and planted a soft kiss on the inside of her wrist, a kiss that made her shiver.

"If you keep doing that, I can't promise that it's friendly thoughts I'll be thinking or feeling," he warned.

She heeded his warning and came back to the couch, sitting father away this time. Two people could have sat between them easy.

He hated the distance he had put between them and sought to correct it. "Friends can hold hands, can't they?" he asked. It was becoming a running question for them. What friends could do.

She took his hand and they worked their way closer and closer to each other during the course of the movie, almost against their will.

The movie turned out to be a love story, which made Crystal regret asking him to stay. Why couldn't Jack Benny or Red Skeleton have been on instead? Something safe. Something to take their mind off romance. Laughter could have made a feeling of camaraderie so much easier.

They missed the ending, both of them falling asleep after a hard day's work.

Thaddeus woke up first to find Crystal pressed pleasantly against him, looking adorable with her mouth slightly open. It was entirely too dangerous though. A test pattern was on the screen, signaling it was really late.

"Crystal," he said softly to wake her.

She did wake and that was even more disconcerting, the way those blue eyes could singe him without even trying and they acted as if they couldn't tear away from his brown ones.

Thaddeus and Crystal were too close together and it had been too many years of longing not to take what was right in front of them. Their lips met in a searing kiss. It didn't last long, but what it lacked for in time it made up for in intensity.

He broke the awkward silence afterwards. "I don't know what you do with your friends, but me and Eddie sure don't do this."

The statement caused a deep, bellyaching laugh from Crystal. When she caught her breath, she said, "I should hope not."

His eyes didn't stray from her lips. She reached out and touched his. "Maybe I don't want to be your friend," she admitted.

His mouth found its target again and the fire consumed them slowly but steadily.

And in the midst of this, she untucked his shirt from his pants as bold a move as she had ever made towards him. She wasn't sorry for it though, she told herself, even as her hands snaked under the shirt, longing to touch and to feel. Maybe she couldn't have him for keeps, but couldn't she just have him this once? For this moment in time? Was that so wrong?

It certainly didn't feel wrong with his lips exploring the sensitive area of her neck. The more they kissed, the more cloudy her thoughts became until all she could think of was getting even closer to him.

So dizzy and drunk with the passion between them she was that she barely even noticed when he picked her up and carried her through the kitchen into her bedroom.

He placed her on the wide bed, but he stopped short of joining her there. "Are you okay, Crystal? Is this what you want?" His lips were swollen with her kisses. His eyelids hooded with desire. It was plain what he wanted.

And that caused her to love him all the more for asking. "Yes." It was what she wanted. If only he had asked her what she needed.

sss

He was asleep when dawn came, giving her time to reflect. The temptation of an empty house had proved too much. They should have only spent time together out in a public place or with other people there. There was no going back now though. They couldn't undo what had been done. And she wished she felt a little more regret about it than she did, but she loved him so much that she wasn't very sorry. There were no wedding rings, but didn't they belong to each other now just as much as if there were?

She was smiling softly at him when he did wake. He smiled back, but it was only a brief smile as everything that had happened fully sank in. It all seemed so ugly in the light of day. His sweet, innocent Crystal. He could barely stand to look at her for the shame of what he had done to her. Their first time had been wonderful and judging from her tender expression, it had been wonderful for her too. But he had given into his baser passions. She was a lady, not a girl he'd picked up from the honky tonk.

"Can I fix you some breakfast, Thaddeus?" she asked.

The love that accompanied that question swept him with another flood of guilt. No one had ever fixed him breakfast afterwards. They'd already gotten what they wanted, so why bother? Not her though. She only thought of him. "I've got to go. I'll see you, Crystal."

In the recesses of her mind, deep in her heart, she had thought this act would change things. That he would want to marry her afterwards. That he would want to be holed up in this house with her for the rest of their lives. But nothing had changed. He was running like a scared rabbit. He barely took the time to throw his clothes on before he was heading for his truck.

"Oh, God, what have I done?" she asked.


	10. Chapter 10

Crystal had thought nothing had changed. And yet, everything had changed. If not in her relationship with Thaddeus than in her and in her relationship with God.

She started a number of prayers, but she never got past God, or Lord, or Father. The words stuck in her throat as she pictured that night. Why would God listen to her now when she'd gone against everything she believed? She used to feel like He was right in the room when she spoke, right next to her. Now it felt like He was up on His throne with a billion miles separating them. Would He even incline His ear to her from way up there. She didn't seem to know how to bridge that gap. And He knew. Knew that she'd enjoyed the sin.

Was it temporary insanity that she was suffering from? Would this have happened if her father had still been alive? What would she say to Thaddeus when she saw him again? If she saw him again. 4 days passed and she had seen neither hide nor hair of him.

She went to church the same as she had every Sunday of her life. She felt physically different as if there were a huge scarlet letter hanging somewhere on her person that marked her as tainted, a ridiculous notion but one she couldn't quite shake.

When the sermon was on single people staying sexually pure in today's world, she wanted to sink right down into her pew. How did he know? He couldn't know. She had no neighbors that could see anything. That was one of the advantages of living on a farm, privacy. But there was One who did know with absolute certainty.

The sermon made complete sense. The preacher made many valid, biblical points like her body was not her own, it was the Holy Spirit's temple, and sexual immorality was not to be counted as a sin among saints. It should have moved her into repentance perhaps, but she was at war with herself. A part of her wanted to turn from the sin, but wouldn't that mean turning from Thaddeus as well?

sss

"What's the matter with you, Sledge? You act like you're a million miles away," Eddie said Wednesday night from the other end of the kitchen table.

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"When I'm leading you in dominoes, something's wrong."

He hesitated over saying anything, but then he told him, "It's over a girl I spent the night with recently. Just doing some heavy thinking about it."

"I knew it. You done gone and fell in love, ain't you?"

"No. I mean yes. I think I do. It's what accompanies all that that worries me. Can you picture me settling down? Cause I can't." He flicked a domino. "It ain't her, of course; it's me. If ever I was going to settle down, she'd be the one I'd do it with. But I think she wants all that family life foolishness and I don't. She should have all that. But I'm not sure I want to stay away from her either. Is that bad?"

Eddie's mother was somewhere in the house. The woman had a great love for organizing and rearranging. The accompanying clatter that went with that was probably enough to drown them out, but Eddie lowered his voice to be on the cautious side. "The way I see it, them women know what they're getting themselves into and I know what I'm getting myself into. It's only when there's miscommunication that there's trouble and it becomes wrong like when there's an angry husband involved or you don't listen when a girl tells you no."

"So you think it ain't wrong then?"

"Well, did it feel right?" he said, wagging his eyebrows.

He frowned. "Be serious."

"When you been concerned about right and wrong? You gone and got some religion on me? I always said you could use some. A little fear of God never hurt anybody. Leastways, that's what Momma always tells me."

"Naw, nothing like that, but she's into all that God stuff. I just...I don't want to hurt her. I like her too much for that."

"Well, then I think you should talk to her about all this. See what she thought about your night together. I could tell you what I think about it, but I ain't God and what matters is what she thinks."

"Maybe you got a point. Well, we might as well call it a night. My mind's just not on the game."

He got up to go and was halfway to the door.

"It's Crystal, ain't it?" Eddie divined.

He whirled back around with a fierce look and pointed a finger at him. "You ever breathe a word of that to anybody, you going to have to use them dominoes for teeth."

"Aww, I wouldn't do nothing to hurt Crystal," Eddie promised.

"Good, cause she don't deserve to have her reputation sullied over me. Them church ladies that call themselves Christians would look down on her and never let her let her live it down."

sss

Someone was beating on the door.

"Who in the world?" Crystal mumbled sleepily as she slipped her robe over her nightgown.

"Thaddeus," she said with obvious relief when she saw who it was through the screen door. "I thought it might've been a prowler."

"Would a prowler knock on your door?" he asked.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I ain't thinking too clearly at 1:00 a.m. after being woken up from a good night's sleep. What are doing here anyway?"

"I just had to see you. I can't stop thinking about you," he said, his voice thick with yearning.

"Oh, Thaddeus," she said a little sadly. She should have shut the door, she knew. Told him to go home, but she opened the screen door instead.

"We should talk," she said.

He nodded in agreement and they headed towards the living room.

"I'm sorry," she said as soon as they had sat down. "I didn't mean to scare you off and I didn't mean for what happened to happen. That wasn't why I invited you to stay."

"I know that and that wasn't why I stayed. I'm sorry I ran off. I probably gave you the wrong impression. I still like you. I like you a lot." He reached out and took her hands in his.

"And that's the problem, ain't it? What are people going to think if they find out you're coming over here this time of night?"

"Ah, heck. Who cares what they think? Who are we hurting, Crystal? Nobody." He pulled the belt on her robe loose.

But he was wrong. It was hurting her, it was hurting the God who loved them, and if he wanted to be honest with himself, he was being hurt too.

Even as she thought these things, her senses and memories of the last time overpowered her. And she gave in again.


	11. Chapter 11

The shame Thaddeus felt was still there in the morning. The talk didn't fix anything if it could be called a talk. It had never been a problem he'd struggled with before, so it puzzled him to no end.

This time though he forced himself to stay and he let Crystal fix him breakfast. He didn't make much eye contact through it though.

She waited on him, pouring coffee when his cup got low, letting her own eggs get cold in the process. He stared at his plate, thinking how he didn't deserve this kind of treatment.

"You didn't do anything wrong," she said. "I could have said no. I wanted you as much as you wanted me."

He nodded, but he couldn't make eye contact with her.

The cows could be heard bellowing to be milked as it was an hour over their usual milking time.

"I reckon I need to be seeing to the cows. I ain't got you chained down, you know. You can leave if you want to."

He jumped up quicker than a cat whose tail had been pulled. "I'll see you later."

As she watched him go, her eye caught sight of her Bible. It set there on the chair by the door unmoved since Sunday.

"I won't do it again," she promised either to herself or God or maybe both.

sss

Crystal was scared stiff when her time of the month didn't come at its appointed time. One or two nights wouldn't result in a pregnancy, she told herself repeatedly, but that didn't make her believe it. There was no way to know for sure except to give it time. Even if she went to the doctor, which she wouldn't because he had been her father's friend, it was much too early to tell. She knew that much.

What she didn't know was about preventing pregnancies. Was there something available at the pharmacy for women if a person asked? She did know it just didn't set there on the shelf for the taking.

She decided to see for herself and drove clean up to San Antonio to lessen the chances of being seen by anyone she knew buying a sex product.

She went up to the counter at the San Antonio pharmacy, not looking to the right or to the left.

"May I help you?" asked the man when she didn't say anything right away.

"Do you have...you see, my fiancé and I don't want children right away and-"

"Say no more. I know what you're looking for," he said.

She waited while he went into the back to get it. Now she was a liar too. Thaddeus was nowhere near being a fiancé except maybe in her daydreams.

She swallowed hard when he came back out with it. Wasn't it already too late for this? Wasn't it inviting what happened to happen again when she'd promised herself never again.

He put the contraceptive into the poke. She took it with a trembling hand and then paid for it. She didn't like the leer he gave her. As if he saw right through her, as if she were a free and loose woman.

She took a closer look at it out in her truck. The device came in a little pink box and there was some kind of jelly to apply on it. She was tempted to throw it out the window into a passing field, but it stayed right where it was in the passenger seat.

At the house, she stuck it into the top drawer of her dresser. She covered it up with her slips, which was pointless as no one was going to be rummaging through her drawer, but it made her feel safer somehow.

A couple of days later freed her of her worries concerning a baby. It had likely just been delayed from all the recent stress in her life. She pressed her forehead into her hand with tears of relief. She wanted to give a prayer of thanks, but it wasn't the kind of thing she felt she should be thanking God for.

Thaddeus would have married her had she found herself with child. She had no doubt about that; he was an honorable man. But no child deserved to have parents who weren't committed to each other. And they would be in the same situation as before with Thaddeus being trapped in a marriage he didn't really want.

sss

He showed up a few days later under the cover of darkness again, when decent people were sleeping. There was no question of what he was there for this time when he kissed her in the kitchen without even saying hello.

"Do you-" she began when they broke apart from the kiss. This was worse in a way than talking to the pharmacist. At least, she hadn't known him. "How do you keep from giving women babies?"

He sheepishly pulled out his wallet from his back pocket and took out a condom. "I normally wear them, I swear. I don't have any illegitimate babies." It suddenly occurred to him that she was probably referring more to their own situation. "Why? Is something the matter? Did something happen?"

She looked down at the floor. "Not really. I just had a little scare."

He pulled her to his chest. "You should've called me. I would've come over. You shouldn't have suffered that alone."

"Yeah, well. It made me realize how stupid we've been. I got some kind of contraption from a pharmacist too, but I got no idea how you're supposed to wear the durn thing," she admitted with a red face.

"I got no problem helping you figuring it out," he said with a grin.

This was more premeditated than any of their previous encounters. She'd known it would come to this when she'd bought it. When she caught their reflections in the bedroom mirror, she wasn't sure she recognized the young woman in it, the woman holding the pink box. She had the urge to throw a sheet over the glass, but that wouldn't hide what they were doing.

"Oh, Lord," she cried as she sat down on the bed, her legs suddenly feeling useless.

"Did you say something?" he asked, kneeling down in front of her.

She put a fist to her mouth and shook her head. Then she took her hand down and forced a smile she didn't feel. "No. I didn't say anything."

She wanted to be with him in this small way because even this was better than not being with him at all. Why then was she sick to her stomach? Why did she feel like there was a heavy rock beating in her chest? She ignored both those feelings as she opened the box.


	12. Chapter 12

The house was completely dark, which was unusual. Crystal generally left the porch light on in case he decided to make a visit, so he wouldn't break his neck, she said.

He knocked, but she didn't respond to the knocks. That worried him, so he went on inside. He was glad for once she didn't lock her doors.

When he cut the lights on, he was greatly relieved to see her laying on the couch. She didn't look so good though. She looked more than a little pale and there was a bucket on the floor that said she anticipated throwing up.

"I'm too sick for any funny business," she told him. "You can go on home. Just cut the lights out as you go."

Thaddeus looked highly offended because he was offended. "Do you think I only come to sleep with you? I care about you, Crystal. I'm staying until you're feeling okay."

The skeptical look cut him to the core. Did she really think so little of him? That he wouldn't stay for any other reason than a sexual one or that he couldn't take care of somebody who was sick. He rolled up his sleeves, signaling his intention to stay.

"Go away, Thaddeus. You're going to get sick yourself and then who's going to take care of you?"

"Forget arguing. You're just wasting your breath and sapping your energy. I ain't going anywhere. Do you have a thermometer around?"

"No thermometer," she said, shaking her head, and then she groaned as the action had made her head hurt.

He came over and checked her temperature with a kiss to her forehead. Her skin definitely burned his lips. "I'm no expert but feels like a fever to me. You got any ice cubes in the icebox?"

"I think so," she said, eyes shut trying to keep the light from hurting her eyes.

He turned the overhead light off and cut the lamp on instead, knowing the problem without her having to tell him.

Then he went into the kitchen where he popped the ice from the ice tray and dumped them into one of her enamel bowls. He turned the water on so that cold water fell from the spigot over the ice. He pulled a washrag from the drawer and then dipped it in the chilled water. He also threw a dry towel across his arm.

Crystal watched it all take place with amusement. He knew his way around with as much ease as if he lived there.

He didn't make it back with the water before a wave of nausea hit her hard. She quickly picked up the bucket and leaned over it. Her hair wasn't particularly long just a little past her shoulders, but he rushed over and held it back for her while she emptied her stomach.

She shivered as she lay back down. He gave her a towel to spit into. Then he went back to the kitchen for a glass of water. He put a hand behind her head, raising it up enough to allow her to take a tiny sip to get the terrible taste out of her mouth.

He undid the first few buttons of her shirt. He then took the wet washrag out and ran it along her face and neck and draped it across her forehead. It felt absolutely heavenly to her.

"You can't be comfortable on the couch," he remarked.

"It's alright," she said though the hard couch arm was making her headache worse.

He picked her up anyway, ignoring her frown.

"If you keep this up, there won't be a chance of you not getting sick," she told him.

"I'm as healthy as a horse. Besides, I'm too ornery to get sick."

"You got that right," she muttered even as she leaned into him.

For such a tall man, he had a feather light touch and she barely felt him lowering her onto the bed. He helped her change into her nightgown and then went back for the bowl. He recooled the washrag for her and continued to fuss over her like a mother hen until she drifted off to sleep.

He pulled in the chair from the other room to sleep on, afraid he wouldn't hear her calls if he slept out in the living room.

When sunlight filled the room, Thaddeus woke up and saw that she was already on her feet, making the bed.

"You shouldn't be up. How are you feeling?" He got out of the chair, rocking his head to work out the crick there.

"Better, Nurse Rose," she said teasingly. "Was probably just a touch of food poisoning." Then she became more serious and her voice more tender. "Thank you for staying, Thaddeus. You don't know how much it meant to me."

"There wasn't no place I would rather have been," he said honestly. "Promise me the next time you get sick, you'll call. Your phone is working, isn't it?"

She smiled. "Yeah, it's working and I promise. Will you promise you'll do the same?"

He nodded. "Yeah." It was different having someone concerned over his wellbeing. He had been lucky if his uncle had gotten him an aspirin when he'd gotten sick as a child. It was just nice having somebody who cared. He was almost looking forward to getting sick.

"How about this time I fix you breakfast?" he suggested.

She followed him into the kitchen. "That depends. Are you sure I won't get sick again?"

"Hey, if there's one thing every good bachelor knows, it's how to cook."

"Oh, yeah? I believe I'll have my eggs fried then. The bacon grease is in the coffee can up in far right cabinet."

"I didn't say I was a world-class chef. How's scrambled eggs suit you?" he asked, pulling the carton of eggs out of the fridge.

She laughed and sat down to the table. "Fine. It'll probably be easier on my stomach anyhow."


	13. Chapter 13

Eddie was spending Christmas with his parents. He'd been invited to the Haskells' festivities, but despite the niceness in their asking, he felt he would be an intrusion as he wasn't really family. And besides, he knew who he would rather spend it with.

"Merry Christmas!" he called out to Crystal as soon as he got out of the truck though he was a few hours premature. It was only Christmas Eve.

Her gate had a tendency to stick and it drove Thaddeus crazy. This day was no different and he pulled it open so hard that it tore completely off in his hands.

Crystal had come to the door by this point and had seen the damage done. "You been drinking?"

"A little," he admitted. "But I ain't drunk. Don't worry about the gate, Crystal. I'll fix it later," he promised, laying it against the fence.

"Oh, don't worry about it. That thing had about had it anyway. I'm glad to see you."

When he got under the light, she saw that there was lipstick on his collar. The purplish shade was most definitely not a color she wore. She knew the company he kept but the physical evidence of it hurt all the same.

"You been kissing somebody under the mistletoe, I see," she mentioned just to remind him that she knew.

He turned red and began to stutter as he fumbled for an excuse, "It wasn't like you think. It-I-"

"Oh, I don't care. You ain't accountable to me. It's not like we're married." She hoped her expression didn't give away how she really felt about it.

"You are really great," he said in wonder.

"Yeah, I'm so great," she mumbled. Once they were inside where the gas heat was keeping the air warm, she said, "Throw your shirt here and I'll take care of it when I do my laundry."

"Aw, you don't have to do that I'll just throw it in the wash when I get home."

"You can't just throw it in the wash unless you want to ruin it. It's got to be treated first. Come on. You can go get one of your spare shirts out of the drawer."

He conceded by taking his shirt off and giving it to her then heading for the bedroom. They'd decided it was sensible for him to keep a spare outfit or two on hand at her house when he'd gotten covered in oil while he was fixing the tractor for her.

"Let's just visit tonight, okay?" she said when he came out in his fresh shirt.

He could understand her not being in the mood on Christmas. "Sure."

She looked down at the wooden manger scene on her coffee table. Her grandfather had carved the nativity set himself. She'd often picked up the pieces as a child until she knew every groove and knick in the smooth wood. She picked up the Christ child.

Thaddeus thought she looked as sad as it was possible for a person to look. He forgot sometimes how much stock other people put in the holiday. People with families, people who went to church. Other than some gift-giving, it was just another day to him. "You're missing your father," he realized.

She agreed with the assessment by giving a small nod. She sat on the couch still clutching the manger piece as if it could bring back the past or link her closer to the holy being it represented.

He sat down next to her. "What'd you used to do with your father on Christmas?"

She smiled a small smile as she thought back to the pleasant memories. "Nothing so spectacular really. We'd open one present on Christmas Eve, then the rest on Christmas morning. We'd drink some hot chocolate. We'd sing our favorite Christmas carols just as loud and joyful as we could and you never heard two more off-key people in your life, but we didn't care cause our hearts were in it and we knew the Lord Jesus didn't mind. We even sang Happy Birthday to Him. "

"That does sound fun," he said with a chuckle.

"It was. One year, I was about 9 or 10 and I got this beautiful bike."

"I remember it. A little red number with ribbons and a basket?"

She nodded. "He'd saved up all year for it. And it didn't occur to me until after Christmas that I hadn't seen him chewing any tobacco during that time. He'd given it up, so that he could afford to give the bike to me. I remember thinking what a sacrifice that was for him, but a father's love helped him do it. Suddenly, the Bible was a little more clear to me. He was great at that making faith real by example. I still find myself thinking what would Daddy have done? What would Daddy have said?"

"Well, let's open up a present now. Continue the Christmas Eve tradition." He pulled out a small box from his pants pocket.

"Aww, you didn't have to get me nothing," she said even as she opened it. There were 2 golden hoops for her ears inside. "They're beautiful," she said, holding them up to the light.

"It ain't real gold or anything," he said with a trace of embarrassment.

"They're beautiful," she repeated. "You might as well open yours now too."

She went over to her small, artificial aluminum tree and brought him back a big, wrapped box. He unwrapped a black cowboy hat.

"You like it?" she asked.

"Very much." He tried it on and it fit his head perfectly.

He sang carol after carol with her after that until they were practically hoarse.

While she went to make them some hot chocolate in the kitchen, he fell asleep on the couch. It was well after midnight. She covered him up with the afghan. As she removed his hat and swept the hair out of his face, she said softly, "Just when I think I've about had it with you, you go and do something unbelievably and incredibly sweet. Merry Christmas, Thaddeus."


	14. Chapter 14

"Eddie says he seen you sitting with somebody at church," Thaddeus said as he tucked his shirt into his pants.

"What? You think I should have a pew all to myself? Some special bench for adulteresses?" she asked, tying the belt on her robe.

"That's not what I meant. He said you looked awful cozy with this person and that he put his hand behind you and everything. That it looked like you two were courting."

"Eddie goes to church what one Sunday a month? What does he know about my love life?"

"You denying it then?" he asked humorlessly.

"No, but so what if I am seeing somebody? You see girls left and right," she said, walking to the kitchen as she spoke.

"But none of it's serious," he said, following after her.

"So what? We're serious? I don't call keeping company every now and then serious." She spun around suddenly and he almost bumped into her. "I turned 30 last week, Thaddeus. The big 3-0."

"I know. I brought you a cake from Vioreen's."

"My point is that I'm not getting any younger and if I don't watch, my chance at having a family, at having children, is going to be gone. I want to be a wife. I want to be a mother. Where's the crime in that?"

"Nowhere, I guess." He looked uncomfortable like he suddenly wanted to bolt.

She softened a little. "I'm not asking you to give me those things. I know how you feel about marriage and children, but don't begrudge me for wanting those things. I meant to talk to you about all this, but I guess I was waiting for the right time."

"But I thought you loved me. You've told me you loved me I don't know how many times. Don't that mean anything to you?"

The softness disappeared. "You're getting just a little too big for your britches if you think I'm going to wait on you my whole life until I'm some shriveled-up, little old maid."

"Can I at least ask who it is?" he said, a definite growl in his voice.

"Eddie didn't tell you that too?" she asked with a trace of sarcasm. "It's JK Bookley."

"That sniveling baby?"

"He's only a year younger than you. That hardly make me a cradle robber."

"No, I meant he's the biggest whiner I ever met. I hit him once in the 7th grade, a punch he was asking for, and he actually cried. Then he ratted me out and got me suspended for a couple days."

"Well, he's grown up now. He's responsible and he knows what he wants out of life. He'd be a wonderful provider and he's a regular church-goer."

"He's still a pompous, arrogant jerk, who loves his own reflection more than anything else. And the only reason he attends church is because it makes him look good."

"Well, at least, he asked me to marry him and I mean really asked me." She opened a kitchen drawer and pulled out a small velvet box that held a beautiful white gold band with a big diamond in the center and 2 smaller diamonds beside it. It cost more than Thaddeus could ever afford. "I hadn't said yes yet, but now I'm sure." She slipped on the ring on that marked her as taken and off-limits.

"Well then, there's nothing more to say. I hope you're happy being Mrs. Bookley."

His angry exit got cut off by the sound of a car motor.

"Oh, it's JK. I forgot he was supposed to come by this morning. We're going over to help with the church yard sale. He also has the decency to call before he comes over."

"He's all gentleman. You want me to hide?" he asked, looking grimly entertained by her predicament.

"No, he can see your truck as plain as day. Just stall, will you? While I finish getting dressed."

He walked out of the house like he owned the place. "Anything I can help you with, JK?"

The man's apparent good mood disappeared. "What are you doing here?"

"I was just seeing if Crystal needed anything done. I help her out sometimes. It's hard having to run a ranch by yourself."

"I suppose it is. You could start with this gate," he mentioned as the said item came off in his hands.

"I don't take orders from you."

"I'm here for a date, so-"

"No, thank you," Thaddeus said, cutting him off. "I got some things to see to and you ain't exactly my type."

He was unamused by the joke. "With Miss Fentress. And there won't be any need to see to her place anymore. If she needs something done, I'll pay somebody to do it myself."

He couldn't take that smug idiot telling him he couldn't see Crystal. They weren't married yet. He plowed towards him and knocked him to the ground with a single push. He picked him back up by his shirt and intended on throwing him out through the gate, but Crystal came out.

"Thaddeus, let go of the man before somebody gets hurt," she said, looking a little too gussied up for going to a church yard sale in his opinion.

"You're lucky your girlfriend was here to save you," Thaddeus said, letting go of him.

He didn't know if he even heard him as JK's slicked mustache twitched with excitement when he saw the ring on her finger. "Does that mean what I think it means?"

She flushed, forgetting that she'd put it on. "Yes."

He rushed to embrace her, Thaddeus forgotten completely. He got in his truck, eager to get away from the scene.

"Thaddeus, wait," Crystal said, hearing the truck door slam and breaking free from JK's arms. "Thaddeus!"

But his truck was already speeding down the road.


	15. Chapter 15

Thaddeus was where he was every Saturday evening, at the honky tonk with Eddie. They were nursing beers at one of the tables.

"She's going to marry that clown," Thaddeus grumbled out of the blue.

"Who's going to marry who?" asked a puzzled Eddie.

"Crystal's marrying JK."

"I know, there's an engagement party going on over at the church right now."

"Women," he muttered. A man onstage was singing a whining, country song about how his woman had cheated on him. He could well relate. "They're faithless creatures. They say they love you one minute and the next they're gone."

"You dummy. She still loves you. She's just tired of waiting on you and after what? 12 years? I can't say I blame her. Crystal's still the marrying kind when you come right down to it. It was just a matter of time."

That didn't cheer him, but Eddie tried again. "Come on, I see a couple of pretty girls looking our way. It'll be an easy score from the look of things. I'll even give you the brunette."

Thaddeus' lips moved into a thin, grim line.

"The blonde then," Eddie said. "Come on, Sledge. If this don't help you loosen up, nothing will."

Thaddeus followed though his heart wasn't in it.

"Hi, I'm Eddie and this is my friend, Sledge," Eddie said, going right up to the table, wearing his friendliest grin.

"I'm Vicki and this is Rachel," said the brunette. "Why don't you join us?"

They sat down next to their preselcted dates and got better aquatinted.

"That your real name? Sledge?" the blonde girl asked him.

He grunted in the affirmative, not trying to turn on the charm as he normally did. Not that he ever told the girls his real name anyway. Only Crystal had permission to call him by his real name.

She wasn't the kind who needed a warm reception though. She reached over and kissed his cheek, which he likened to a cold, wet fish kissing him. He scooted his chair away. "I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm just not much fit for company tonight."

"You'll have to excuse him," Eddie apologized, still making goo goo eyes with Vicki. "He's got a broken heart."

"Why don't you let me mend it then?" Rachel asked seductively, running a finger up his thigh. "You'll forget that girl's name when I get through with you."

"No, thank you," he said, standing up. "Maybe some other time."

Eddie followed him though he was doing just fine with his girl. "What was that about? Why don't you let the girl try to help you?"

"I just ain't in the mood to be helped. What do you say to raising some trouble over at this engagement party?"

"I say it's church and we'd best leave things alone."

"Well, I'm going. You in or out?"

"Aww, I'm in," he said reluctantly, grabbing his coat and following, looking back just once at the nice girls they were leaving.

sss

The party was done up real nice and classy. JK's parents' had money, which is why he thought he was such a big shot.

"What are we going to do?" Eddie wanted to know when they arrived. "Crash the party?"

"No, we're kidnapping Crystal."

Eddie's mouth fell open. "Ain't that a felony?"

"Not literally. JK's not going to be happy about me wanting to talk to Crystal alone. Is there a room in here that locks?"

"The bathroom, I guess. It ain't exactly common to lock church members in or out despite what you may have heard."

"That'll work. Find a way to get her here without the others knowing." He had no trouble locating the bathroom, though he was unfamiliar with the building, because it was the only door that was cracked open.

"Psst, Crystal," Eddie called from the doorway that led to the hallway where all the Sunday school rooms were.

She heard his hushed call and though she shot him a look of confusion, she excused herself from Eddie's parents. "What are you doing here?"

He gently took her by the arm and led her toward the bathroom. "I been asking myself that the whole ride over and I guess the answer is friendship."

Thaddeus heard their voices and opened the door. Eddie pushed her in and Thaddeus shut the door again and blocked it with his body after he locked it, in case she decided she didn't want to hear him out.

It was a small bathroom and the single light bulb didn't emit much light, but it was enough to see by.

"You look amazing," he said. She was wearing a belted black dress with a v neckline and pearls and her hair was in an elegant twist.

She ignored the compliment, but she didn't look very irritated that she'd been pulled away from the party and shut up in the bathroom with him either. "I've wanted to talk with you since you left on that bad note. That wasn't how I wanted to part with you. I wasn't trying to rub it all in your face, I hope you know that, and I hope we can stay friends."

"Seems to me we tried that already and it didn't work out so good. We make much better lovers," he said, twisting a loose curl around his finger.

She turned her head to free her hair from his grasp. "If you're propositioning me, that chapter in our life is over. It has to be over."

It appeared to Thaddeus as if she were trying to convince herself more than him. "You want me," he said, taking a step toward her. The step was enough to press her up against the wall and put him close enough to where they were drawing in the same air and sharing the same space.

"No, I don't," but the quiver in her voice said otherwise. "I'm marrying JK this time next week. It's been settled."

"You know why you won't marry that sorry excuse for a man?" he asked full of confidence as he ran a hand over the skin that her wide neckline exposed. "Cause you don't love him and you'll fool around with me because you do love me."

"No, I won't. I wouldn't do that to somebody and you wouldn't mess around with a married woman."

"You sure about that?" he asked his hands moving lower. "I don't normally mess around with married women, true, but I'd make an exception in this instance." His lips moved against her forehead as he spoke.

Her blood felt boiling hot and fire burned in the pit of her stomach, but she was angry with him too, angry for making her feeling this way and angry for forcing her to have to choose JK. "I'll move."

"No, you won't. JK's too much of a momma's boy to ever leave Floresville and he wouldn't want to leave behind the clout he has here. People would see him for the pretentious donkey he is."

"How dare-" she began, but he cut her off with a kiss.

It was a sweet but torturous release of the tension that had been building between them. Her arms seemed to have a mind of their own as one reached around his neck and the other around his waist in an effort to pull him even closer.

"He doesn't turn you on even a little bit, does he?" he asked huskily when they broke apart to breathe.

"We are in the Lord's House, Thaddeus," she said, her arms falling to her side again.

"So?"

"So talk like you got some reverence. I like him, okay? A lot. He's good for me; he's right for me."

"But he doesn't make you feel things, does he? You ain't even been with him, have you?"

"You think I jump in bed with every guy I date? Love isn't the same thing as lust."

"No, but you should desire the man you marry, don't you think?"

A rap interrupted their argument. "Her fiancé just went outside, looking for her. I told him I ain't seen you, Crystal, but he's going to be back this way and ya'll are starting to raise your voices."

"Did you hear that? My _fiancé _is looking for me. Let me out of here," she told him.

He reluctantly moved aside.

She came out just as JK came back in.

"Sorry, I should have told you I had to go to the bathroom. You ready to go back in?" she asked.

"Yeah, they're getting ready to start the music back up and I thought it'd be nice to dance to it."

"It sure would," she agreed.

Thaddeus came out when they were gone and he drove his fist into the wall, leaving a hole in the wall and a splintered hand.

"You've done it now," Eddie said. "That's going to bring some godly wrath down on our heads for certain." Though he was mostly joking, he did look a mite nervous.

Back in the fellowship hall, JK asked as they danced, "What was Eddie Haskell doing here anyway? Did you invite him?"

"Naw, I guess he must've had something he had to do."

"Well, I don't like him or his friend. Those two are public menaces," he grumbled.

"Oh, they ain't so bad. They're good men at heart, the both of them. They just ain't learned how to grow up. They're like a couple of teenagers."

"Well, let's not spoil the night talking about them," he said, pulling her closer.

Crystal wished the action made her heart beat a little faster or her palms sweat, anything, but it elicited no reaction in her at all.


	16. Chapter 16

It was the eve of the wedding and Crystal was so tore up about her impending nuptials that she wasn't asleep when she heard the sound of the motor. She didn't have to look to know who it was, but she didn't go to the door.

Thaddeus found the door shut and locked with the porch light unquestionably off. A clear message, but he wasn't about to give up so easily. He went around to her bedroom window. He could see her sitting on the bed, so she couldn't hide. He tapped on it carefully, so as not to startle her.

She turned around and hesitantly raised the window. The screen still created a barrier between them. "Yeah?"

"I want to talk, but I feel like I'm visiting a prisoner. Won't you come outside or let me in?"

"We both know that I'm attracted to you and that you're attracted to me and we don't ever get much talking done if we're too close together. This screen makes sure that we actually talk and not just fall into each other's arms."

"Aww, Crystal." That had been his plan. To make love to her. To prove to her that she couldn't just walk away from what they had.

"So did you come to actually say something?" she asked as he pawed the ground with his feet.

"I want you. I need you." He looked up at her and put his hand against the screen.

She reciprocated the gesture but only for a second. "The first was closer to the mark. You want me, but you can have sex with practically your pick down at that honky tonk you go to. You don't need me."

"But I like you. I like you a lot. Things wouldn't be the same without you."

"I told you that we could stay friends. Friends with restrictions as I'll be a married woman after tomorrow, but no reason in the world that can't meet for coffee at Vioreen's once in a while, especially if it's with Eddie along too."

"Don't do it," he begged with a tinge of desperation.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't."

Nothing but silence met her demand.

"That's what I thought." She shut the window back and closed the blinds.

sss

She'd asked her bridesmaids, friendly acquaintances from church to give her a few minutes to herself.

She studied her reflection in the long mirror the church had provided. On her head she wore a darling white pillbox hat with a long veil that accentuated the flip hairstyle she'd gotten for the occasion, a cut that created little flips at the end of her shoulder-length hair. Her dress, also white, had a scoop neckline and little white flowers and seed pearls outlined parts of the dress, including her 3/4 sleeves and a skirt that belled out just a little.

White. What a sham that was. She was a sham. She looked the perfect little church girl, the perfect bride. She couldn't find fault with her appearance, but she knew where her fault lay. She was like the Pharisees. A lovely whitewashed tomb, but dead, decaying bones on the inside.

"Oh, Lord. I'm such a hypocrite." She owed it to JK to tell him of her past, but would he still want her? She looked out the window. What did she expect to come up the road, a white knight riding to her rescue? No, if she was unhappy with JK because she'd tasted forbidden fruits, she deserved every bit of it. She would be a good wife to JK if it killed her, and with Thaddeus around, it just might.

She could hear the pianist beginning to play songs to entertain the gathering guests. She could do this, she told herself. They'd had a dress rehearsal as a part of the engagement party and the run-through had gone off without a hitch. She could go through with this, she could.

She had her hand to the doorknob when she heard the rumble. She ran to the window and saw Thaddeus' beat up truck coming and she sighed with relief. He wasn't going to let her go through with it. He wasn't going to just allow her to go without a fight like the last time they'd broken up. Was this what she had subconsciously been waiting for, she wondered, as her heart leapt with joy.

She almost ran out to meet him, but there was a sanctuary full of wedding guests. She was in a pickle now. He made quick eye contact with her through the window and then she watched as Thaddeus stormed into the church. He looked like an angry bull and his fists were clinched as he pushed his way into the Sunday school room that was acting temporarily as the bride's room. "You want a good reason? I love you. That good enough for you?"

Tears threatened to make her mascara run. "Oh, Thaddeues."

When he held out his hands for her to come to him, she came and fell into his embrace. Right or wrong, she loved him and she was filled with happiness that she wasn't marrying somebody else even if that meant she never got married at all.

Her bridesmaid knocked on the door. "They're ready for us to line up."

"Can you go get JK?" Crystal asked. "I need to talk to him."

The bridesmaid gave a heavy pause before she said okay.

"Can I have a few minutes alone with him?" she asked.

"Sure," Thaddeus agreed. "I'll wait for you out in the truck."

"What's going on?" JK wanted to know when he came in the room. "The wedding's about to start. You look beautiful, but isn't this supposed to be bad luck?"

"I don't know how to tell you this, but I can't marry you after all."

He seemed at a loss for words until his eyes saw the truck through the window. "I see. You going to marry Rose instead?"

"Heavens, no. He ain't got nothing to with this, at least not much. He's just a friend, who didn't want to see me make a mistake, and we would be a mistake, JK."

"You're going to regret this, Crystal. The mayor's talking about having me run for county judge, not a lot of money in it, but think of the prestige it'll bring."

"It wouldn't matter if you were running to be the president of the United States. I couldn't be your first lady because we don't love each other. We'd be settling and that wouldn't be fair to either one of us."

"We make a perfect couple though. Everyone says so, including my parents. And there's a church full of people out there waiting, expecting, us to get married. How's it going to look if you bolt?"

"Everyone's wrong. Marrying for the sake of appearance isn't right. It'd be better not to marry. You can say it was you that changed your mind. I don't care."

"How's that supposed to help?" He sighed. "Go. I'll handle this, no thanks to you."

"I'm sorry. I truly am, but it was wrong from the start." She handed him back his engagement ring.

He left without even a goodbye. He didn't love her. Thaddeus had been right. His character flaws were apparent to her now. He didn't love her anymore than she loved him and that would have made the flaws he had unbearable.

She quickly changed into the dress she'd intended to wear after the wedding, a pale blue traveling suit and got in the truck before anybody came pouring out and saw. Fortunately, the stained glass windows in the sanctuary would keep anyone from looking out and adding to the gossip that was bound to circulate over the failed wedding.

He drove them down to the lake. It had been a day. They settled down in the grass, enjoying the peace and quiet that could be found there.

"I meant what I said," Thaddeus told her after a time. "It wasn't just a ploy to keep you from getting married. " He played with a daisy, stripping its white petals with an unnatural concentration, unable to look at her. He couldn't even say the words without the help of adrenaline.

"I know." She also looked down at the ground. She wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. It had been nice to hear 'I love you' from him, but she knew it didn't change things much. The same problems were there. He wasn't ready for a family, if he ever would be, and she was alone at her farmhouse madly in love with someone she couldn't marry. It was like they were trapped in some infernal time warp. "I'll leave the porch light on tonight."


	17. Chapter 17

Eddie and Thaddeus ran into Crystal while she was out grocery shopping and were helping her carry her bags to her truck. They saw a poster with a simple, unoriginal 'Vote for Bookley' on it.

"Look at that headshot. It's almost as big a head as he has in real life," Eddie said jokingly.

"You got a pen, Eddie?" Thaddeus asked.

Eddie did and Thaddeus drew glasses on JK's picture and blackened some teeth. "What about horns? I think he could use some horns."

"Ya'll are terrible. Knock it off, Thaddeus, before someone sees you," Crystal chastised.

"The sad thing is he'll probably win, since his only competition is Ernie," Thaddeus muttered, giving the pen back to Eddie.

"Yep," Eddie agreed.

"I love Ernie and Nadine; they're both so sweet. I'm going to vote Ernie," Crystal said.

They both laughed.

"Well, I am," she said, opening the passenger side of her truck to put the bags in.

"Just think, Crystal, you could have been Mrs. Judge JK Bookley," Eddie remarked.

She rolled her eyes, "Yeah, buddy. I've got to go keep nursery for the revival meeting this evening. I'll catch you two later. Try to stay out of trouble."

They gave her their insincere promises.

"That was mighty selfish of you though, Sledge, all kidding aside," Eddie commented after she had driven off.

"What?"

"Not letting her get married, so she could have babies of her own. And everyone's still talking about why that marriage didn't go through. They're saying everything from JK discovered Crystal can't have children to she ran off with another man."

"Aww, let the old bats talk. They can't prove nothing and it'll die down when there's something new for them to chew on."

"But why'd you want to go and ruin her chance at having a family? I just don't get it."

"You don't understand cause you ain't never been that crazy about a girl before, but I just couldn't live without her even if I can't live with her."

"You're right. I don't get it. What's so bad about living with her if you like her so much?"

"It's just too much responsibility, having someone depend on you that way. And nothing would ever be different. I couldn't live that way. It'd make me nuttier than a fruitcake. And there'd be no more honky tonk, no more dominoes."

"No more dominoes? She told you that?"

"Well, no, but that goes without saying. A wife is a whole different ball of wax from girlfriend. Besides, we're still young yet. There's plenty of living left to do. Speaking of which, you ready to go hunt us down some pretty girls?"

"Might as well. Though Momma's been nagging me about going to revival."

"Maybe we'll both go if things are slow down at the honkey tonk."

"Yeah," Eddie laughed. "If you went at all, it'd be to shanghai Crystal."

The smile Thaddeus gave proved Eddie right.

sss

JK was elected and he waited for his chance to make his first arrest, and he knew just who he wanted to arrest. He didn't have to wait long. Thaddeus came out of the dancehall with some redhead on his arm as drunk as a skunk. He drew his gun and jumped out of the shiny new car that came with the job.

The redheaded woman screeched and jumped behind Thaddeus.

"You crazy or something? Waving a gun around in front of decent law-abiding citizens. What's the matter with you?" Thaddeus wanted to know.

"But you ain't law-abiding. Public intoxication, boy," he said, talking like his position suddenly made him so much older. "So let's get moving, Thaddeus. Leave the lady where you found her."

"Don't you call me Thaddeus."

"Why? That's what Crystal calls you."

"And you ain't Crystal. Anyone else who tries it, gets a bloody nose. My friends call me Sledge, but you can call me TR."

The girl had disappeared back into the honky tonk.

"Threatening an officer of the law now, are you? I'm going to have to use the handcuffs. You're going to learn some respect when I get through with you." He was enjoying his newfound position way too much.

"You arresting me?"

"Well, now ain't you smart?" he said as he moved his hands behind his back and put the handcuffs on. "All them brains is being wasted out on your little ranch."

He pushed Thaddeus into the back seat and then he pushed him into a jail cell a little later.

"You think you're something, don't you, Judge?" Thaddeus asked, using the title in a mocking way.

"If you mean, do I have character. Yes, more than you'll ever have."

"Don't I get a phone call or something?"

Thaddeus used his phone call to ring Eddie, but he must've found himself a girl he liked too because all he got was the answering machine. He left a message and ignored the judge's smirk over his having to spend the night in jail. Crystal would have been a surer bet, but he didn't want her getting mixed up in this.

sss

"Look, at that. The calvary's finally here," JK said scornfully the following morning when Eddie arrived. He was enjoying having a nice, big breakfast at his desk while Thaddeus got nothing but some coffee and toast and hardboiled eggs. "I suppose you have money for bail? As his 24 hours aren't up yet."

"Aw, now. Quit flouting your position. You ain't any better than the rest of us. I got the money, so just get busy and do like you're supposed to do."

"Oh, I'm going to let him out and I'm putting you in instead."

Eddie gaped while he unlocked the jail door just as he said. "Me? What'd I do?"

"Contempt of court. These are official law proceedings, you know."

Thaddeus came out and Eddie went in. Thaddeus had no choice but to go home and see what he could scrounge out of his emergency money jar for Eddie because the bank wouldn't be open until tomorrow.

JK walked him out as if hoping he would be able to find an excuse to throw him back in. Thaddeus would have loved to give him one and add assaulting an officer to the list of growing charges, but Eddie was counting on him.

Crystal would've had to be out there, but then it was Sunday morning. Where else would she be but in town attending church.

"Nice day, ain't it, Miss Fentress?" JK asked. He liked to emphasize the Miss in her name as if he didn't want her to forget she could have been a Mrs.

"It was until now. What's-"

"Excuse us, Judge, but we don't like to see friends languishing in jail for no good reason while you pass the time of day." Then he led Crystal away from the courthouse by the elbow.

"What in the world?" she asked.

"How much you carrying in your pocketbook?"

"About 10. Why?"

"I got about 5 in my billfold. Still going to have to run home to get bail money for Eddie, I guess."

She gasped. "What's Eddie doing in jail?"

"JK's holding him for contempt. He was bailing me out."

"Oh, gees. Now how in the world did you manage to land yourself in jail?"

"Cause that ex-boyfriend of yours don't like me. He's still sore cause I kept you from marrying him."

"He can't arrest you just because he don't like you. You had to have done something."

"Just my usual Saturday night drinking."

She shook her head. He didn't know if it was at him, at the judge, or at Eddie. Probably all 3.

JK watched them walking and talking, observing the natural, easy way between them and his lip curled, feeling mighty jealous. He'd never been overly fond of Thaddeus Rose, but now it was more of a personal vendetta than ever. Let's see how fond she was of Thaddeus and Eddie with the law constantly on their tails. He would help her see that they weren't the good boys at heart she thought they were.


	18. Chapter 18

"Did you hear about the break-in at Mrs. Hull's?" called Thaddeus before he'd even shut off his truck.

Crystal was pruning her trees. "I did. I'm glad nothing bad happened to her."

"So am I, but that's not what I'm driving at," he said, standing in front of her now. "It could have just as easily been you."

"But it wasn't. Things like that are bound to happen every once in a while and they caught the fellow that did it. I'm not going to let it scare me."

"But I'm tired of worrying about you."

A hopeful flutter rose in her chest. Was it possible he meant what she thought he meant. "Yeah?"

"That's why I got you something." He went back to his truck to get it.

She put her pruning shears down on the grass and took off her gardening gloves. She was more than a little disappointed to see that it was just a puppy, but she quickly regained her composure. "Now what do I want a dog for?"

"For protection. A guard dog."

She took it from him and held it aloft with one hand. The black and brown puppy with the occasional streak of white, whose oversized head and floppy ears couldn't help but make it cute, yipped as if saying hello.

"This little fur ball's going to protect me? Looks more like I'll be protecting him. He wouldn't frighten a mouse. And it don't look like it plans on getting much bigger judging from it's paws."

"He may not be ferocious, but he'll let you know if there's an intruder nearby and his bark will probably to serve to frighten the trespasser off. Criminals ain't often looking to wait around and determine the size of the dog."

"Well, it might be kind of nice having another living, breathing thing in the house. I'll give you that much."

The smile she gave the pup when he licked her hand with his warm tongue made Thaddeus smile too.

She took the puppy inside to get him some water after his ride in the hot truck. Thaddeus followed. She found a chipped bowl and filled it up and set it down on the floor. The grateful animal began lapping it up like there was no tomorrow.

"What are you going to name him?" he asked.

"I was thinking maybe I'd name him after you. Think how much fun would that be. 'Roll over, Thaddeus.' 'Beg, Thaddeus.'"

"I think one Thaddeus is enough."

The dog, having drank his fill, saw something that interested him through the screen door. He went bounding over there and whimpered to be let out.

"Look," she said, "he's already whining and scratching to get out. Don't try and tell me the name don't suit him."

"Very funny, Crystal."

She let his would-be namesake go free to chase down the butterfly he'd spotted.

Thaddeus sidled up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. "You want to go try some of those commands that you wanted to try on the dog on me? You'd be surprised how obedient I can be."

She grinned. "Oh, really? Then how about this one: 'Fix my gate, Thaddeus.'"

"Try another trick."

"Okay, how about 'Prune my trees, Thaddeus.'"

He reluctantly let go of her to do as she'd asked. "As long as you promise to rub my belly afterwards."

She playfully smacked his posterior as he went outside. "I might see what I can scrounge up for you to eat if you're a good boy."

sss

Thaddeus came by a week later and he smiled when he heard the shrill barking. The pup had learned his job already.

Crystal came to the door without his having to knock because of it. The puppy was at his mistress' heels. When she opened the door to him, the dog gave a low growl in his throat and when he kissed her, it started yapping at him.

He pulled away and shot the dog a dirty look. "You little traitor. I'm the one that found you a nice owner."

He snatched onto Thaddeus' pant leg in response to his reasoning.

Crystal was laughing hysterically. "You were right after all. He does make a pretty good guard dog at that."

He did a walking drag over to the cabinets, not wanting to hurt the puppy, but it refused to let go. He searched for something the flea-bitten animal would be interested in besides attacking him. "You ain't going to help me, are you?"

"You look like you got it under control. Besides, I ain't been to get groceries yet. I don't think you're going to find anything he wants."

Thaddeus went over to the fridge and looked in there, but she hadn't been kidding; she really was running low on food.

"I've finally thought of a good name. Crusher. He looks and acts like a Crusher, don't you think?"

Thaddeus didn't look amused. "Would you call off your mutt already?"

"Come here, Crusher, " she called in the high honeyed tones reserved for babies and pets. The dog released his pants and scrambled over to Crystal with a panting tongue and wagging tail. "See? He responds to it already. I think he likes it."

She scooped the beast up, rewarding him with a pat.

"I guess it's too late to get you a cat instead?" he asked.

The dog growled at him again like he'd understood what he'd said. More likely though it was because he'd taken a step closer to Crystal.

"Aww, he didn't mean it," she soothed to the animal. To Thaddeus, she said, "Maybe it's your aftershave or something."

"Can we put him outside?"

"Won't shut him up and the neighbors might hear. Better try and make friends with him."

Thaddeus made a mental note to bring a rawhide bone with him the next time to keep the mongrel entertained while he was being entertained. Might even turn Crusher into a friend. He reached out to let him smell his hand and the lunatic dog snapped at him. Then again, it might not, but it would take a whole pack of angry dogs to keep him away from Crystal. "Might as well get used to me, mutt, cause I ain't going anywhere."


	19. Chapter 19

Crystal was just getting set to go to bed when the phone rang. "Hello?"

"Crystal?" Eddie asked.

"Oh, hey Eddie, is everything-"

"It's Thaddeus. He's in the hospital. It's bad, Crystal."

"I'm on my way," she said before hanging up.

She wasted no time in grabbing her keys. Thankfully, she hadn't changed into her pajamas yet.

As she drove over the speed limit, she thought about Thaddeus' condition and she knew who she had to turn to in her time of need.

She envied her younger, more innocent self. Faith had been so easy then. Now what had her faith become? A Sunday morning ritual? She couldn't walk closely to God, not when she was so willfully living in sin. She knew what she had to do to get right with Him again and she was too cowardly to do it; she didn't want to do it. What right did she have now to ask God anything?

"God, I know I don't deserve to ask for Your help, but please, let Thaddeus be okay. If-if you spare him, I'll try to live better. I promise."

Eddie was waiting for her at the front of the hospital.

"What happened?" she asked.

"He was in a bad car accident. Wrapped his truck around a pole. He's in surgery now."

She spoke to the nurse at the desk. "As soon as Thaddeus Rose is out of surgery, will you please let the doctor know that we're waiting for news on his condition?"

"Yes, ma'am."

They took a seat in the waiting area. They didn't have to wait long.

She jumped up and went over to the doctor. "How is he?"

"Who are you?" he wanted to know.

"I'm his-" she stopped short. What was she? His sometimes girlfriend and occasional lover? The doctor wouldn't care anything about that. "I'm his close friend."

"I'm sorry, Ms.-"

"Fentress."

"I can't give you any information and it's a rule of the hospital that only family is allowed in ICU unless the patient says otherwise. I'm sorry."

If it had only been Rose, they wouldn't even be standing here having this conversation. Her eyes filled with tears. She should be by his side right now, but a simple legality prevented it.

The doctor took sympathy on her. "Look, I can tell you that he's in a stable condition right now, but that's all I can say."

"Thank you, doctor."

She went back to her seat. She wasn't going to leave this hospital until she got to see him.

She buried her head in her hands. "Oh, God," she cried. Was this the kind of pain He had been trying to protect her from? To be so one with a person and yet not be granted the full rights that came with being a wife. If she lost him, she would lose a part of herself.

Eddie had gone to get coffee and he now held out a steaming paper cupful to her. "It's a stupid rule," he said.

She accepted it and he sat down beside her. "We're his family. You and me. We're all he's got. Don't they understand that?" She sighed. "No, of course, they don't. I'm nothing to Thaddeus. Absolutely nothing."

"That's not true. He talks about you all the time. He's crazy about you. You know that, right?"

"I guess I do, but it doesn't really help in situations like this, does it?"

The rest of the time they waited in silence, but it was a companionable silence. It was nice just to have someone else there who cared what happened to him.

Judge Bookley showed up sometime during the night.

"Judge?" Crystal asked. "You're not here to talk to Thaddeus, are you?"

"Ma'am," he said, returning the formal address. "I'm afraid I am. Official law business."

"He's in no condition to speak right now. In fact, I believe he's still unconscious."

"But I need to speak with him about the accident, Miss Fentress. Fill out an accident report."

"Well, you'll have to wait at least until tomorrow. You're not going to get answers from him while he's out cold."

He wasn't happy about it, but he saw that she was right. "I'll be back tomorrow. He's not off the hook that easily. Now if I can just hunt down Haskell. You seen him?"

She was hard-pressed not to smile. He must have hidden somewhere when he saw him coming. "Not lately."

She waited until she saw him driving out of the parking lot. "All clear, Eddie," she called.

He was hiding behind the nurses' desk, thanks to some compassionate nurses.

Crystal just shook her head and grinned. Then she went back to worrying and pleading with heaven.

Despite all the coffee, she fell asleep at some point, but she was woken by the nurse on duty. "He's awake. He's asking for you, Miss Fentress," she told her.

She looked over at Eddie. He'd been waiting all night to see him too.

"Go on. I'll visit him when you're through."

The nurse led her to his room and then left them alone.

She ran to his bedside as soon as she entered the hospital room. "Oh, Thaddeus." The fear she'd harbored all night was evident in the way she spoke his name. She took his hands to assure herself of his reality, afraid to touch anything else, not knowing where he'd had surgery at.

"It's okay, Crystal. I'm alive. Just had some internal bleeding they had to take care of. Might have a new few scars but otherwise I'm as good as new."

"You scared the living daylights out of me. What were you doing anyway?"

He looked at her sheepishly. "Eddie and I were outrunning, Judge. We'd lost him too, but I took a curve a little too fast."

"You could have been killed. When are you going to get your act together?"

"Aw, Crystal. My anesthesia just wore off. Can't you take it easy on a man?"

"Well, JK ain't going to take it easy on you. He was looking for you not too long ago."

"Great," he muttered. "Have you seen the truck?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, that was my first concern when I heard about the accident."

"It's mangled pretty badly, I think. Guess I'll be needing a new one. It's a shame. That old truck held a lot of good memories and most of them included you."

She sat down on the chair by the bed and looked down at the corner of the mattress as she confessed. "I made a bargain with God that if He would let you live, I would do better about-about us. What we're doing ain't right. And I wouldn't be surprised if this wasn't some of His judgment."

"But-"

"And don't tell me you don't feel shame. I see it in you every morning after at the breakfast table."

"I'm not ashamed, Crystal. I wouldn't care who knows about us personally, but I care for your sake. Men can sow their wild oats and it's just boys being boys. If they found out you..."

"Were acting the harlot," she finished for him.

"Don't put words in my mouth. We love each other."

"That don't make it right. And my first loyalty should be to God. I know that and I gave my word to Him."

"But I've learned enough from you and Eddie to know that God ain't in the business of negotiating. You need something, you ask straight out, and know that His will is ultimately going to be done. I didn't die because it wasn't my appointed time."

"But a vow's a serious thing. You only have to look at the Old Testament to figure that out. The New too for that matter."

"Look at me." She'd been fingering the corner of his bed sheet to keep from looking at him, knowing if she did, she would lose her resolve. He put a finger and thumb under her chin and gently lifted her head to meet his gaze. "Do you want to stop seeing me?"

"No."

"If there's one thing I've learned after tonight, it's that life's too short not to spend it doing what you want to do."

How could the same event lead people to such opposite conclusions? She'd learned life was too short to spend it living for yourself, or at least she thought she had. When he patted his chest, indicating for her to lay her head there, she did.

She could his hear his heartbeat, strong and steady, as she rested there. She could almost pretend that it only beat for her laying like that. _"God, forgive me for my weakness," _she begged silently.


	20. Chapter 20

Crystal was enjoying coffee and pie at Vioreen's after delivering some butchered beef. She caught a piece of conversation going on a couple tables down.

"I went out with a guy, well, just slept with him really and he was the best I've ever had. He was just so experienced."

It could've been anybody, but she had a feeling it wasn't just anybody. She tried to hum to tune them out, but it didn't work.

"You going to see him again?"

"Well, of course. His name is Rose, Sledge Rose. He may even be the one. Doesn't it just sound poetical? Mrs. Violet Rose."

"It sounds like a bouquet," the other girl giggled.

Crystal couldn't help but steal a look at the girl. She was so young. Good heavens, was she young. Fresh out of high school it looked like. Thaddeus, a man entering his late 30s, had no business carrying on with a girl not his own age.

Speaking of Thaddeus, he chose that inopportune moment to come into Vioreen's. She wanted to sink down and hide, instead, she bent her head down and pushed her pie around her plate. Her appetite gone.

She saw out of the corner of her eye as he walked right past the gaggling girls like he didn't even see them. Thaddeus' former playmate was obviously crestfallen. Crystal almost felt sorry for her but not sorry enough to wish he'd chosen to sit with her over herself.

"She's pretty," she told him after he'd slidden in across from her.

"Who is?" he asked, taking her fork and a bite from her pie.

"Your latest girlfriend," she said.

He looked confused and turned to look back to see who she referred to and then he shrugged. "It was just one night. I don't even remember her name."

"Well, she remembers yours."

"I make it plain to them, you know, that I'm not into long term commitments, that I'm a confirmed bachelor. If they get any ideas, it's not from me."

She took her fork back and forced herself to take a bite of the pie. She almost choked on it when she saw the girl coming over to the table. She looked angry.

She ignored Crystal and spit out at Thaddeus, "I thought you said you weren't married."

Were they so comfortable with each other that they gave off the air of being a married couple, arguing and sharing a fork, or did she simply think a woman of her age had to be married? Her cheeks burned.

"I'm not. Crystal's just a friend I've had since grade school."

She fluffed her hair. "Oh, then maybe we could see each other tonight."

"I don't think so."

She turned to anger again, mixed with embarrassment. "Fine then. Who wants an old, used-up guy like you anyway?"

She looked daggered at Crystal as if she didn't quite believe she was only an old friend.

As soon as the girls were gone, Crystal got up to leave without a word to Thaddeus. She threw enough money on the table to pay for her pie and coffee and a generous tip for Vioreen, who was shooting her looks of sympathy.

Thaddeus followed her, of course.

"That was humiliating. The whole place was watching that little soap opera moment," she said in the open air of the street, still walking.

He latched onto her wrist and she stopped. Though she didn't really want to hear what he had to say.

"I'm sorry," he said and he sounded as if genuinely meant the words.

The genuineness touched her and she shrugged the hurt off. Holding onto pain and disappointment accomplished nothing anyway. "What's to be sorry about? My eyes are wide open. They always have been."

"You want to go for a drive tonight?" he asked. "You never have ridden in my new Ford."

It was the closest thing to a date they'd had in years. She studied him closely to gauge whether it was just a pity date. The hope in his expression left no room for pity.

"Why not?" she said.

sss

Crystal waited for Thaddeus to show up in her father's old chair with Crusher sitting loyally at her feet.

"I know I'm a doormat. I don't care that other girls are in his life as long as I'm in his life." He nuzzled his nose under her hand for her to pet him, which she did. "And I know as much as I pretend I don't care, I really do care. If only he was the marrying kind, that would solve everything, wouldn't it? Or at least, I wouldn't be sinning anymore. I could give my whole life to God again. But He would know that I wouldn't say no if Thaddeus and I still weren't married and worse, I would know. So maybe that still wouldn't solve anything after all."

His tail thumped on the floor as if affirming he was listening.

"And I'm talking to a dog. That's a sign I've lived too many years alone, but at least I'm not a crazy cat lady, yet. That's got to count for something, right?"

Crusher's sudden barking let her know Thaddeus had pulled up. She took care not to let Crusher out. Not that he would bite, latch onto clothing maybe, but he would no doubt give the truck chase and his dislike of Thaddeus made taking him a long a no-go.

The truck was a 1959 model, painted at least 3 colors in its lifetime. It was as beat-up as his last one, but it seemed to ride smoother.

He drove them nowhere in particular, but she enjoyed it simply for the fact that they were out together.

She turned on the radio. "Hey, what do you know? This one actually works."

She put it on a country station. It was playing the tail end of a song.

_Got me feeling like a million when you treat me like you do, do, do  
>Well, I was glad to see you when the sun come up this morning<br>I was glad to hear you say I'm still in love with you_

_Oh don't you know I couldn't stand it if you ever leave me, baby  
>Don't you know I couldn't take it if you ever were untrue<em>

He looked over at her, smiling, the song reminding him of Crystal. She was one in a billion and he knew that from experience. She knew how to make him feel special and he was always happiest when it was her he woke up with. He really didn't know what he would do if she ever decided to call it quits. Her almost marrying JK had been agony enough. He knew he was lucky to have the devotion of such a good woman. Most wouldn't have stuck by him the way she had. There were times he almost wished he had asked her to marry him all those years ago, but life was what it was and it was nice having the freedom to come and go as he pleased. He turned off on a side road.

"I don't know if you know this, but this ain't the way to my house," she said.

He was taking them down a dirt road that lead to nowhere, at least not since the Bensons' property had been foreclosed on last year.

"It just occurred to me that we haven't christened my new truck yet."

"Your new truck?"

"Well, new to me anyway," he said as he turned it off and proceeded to lift her onto his lap, so that she was straddling his hips "Sorry I don't have a back seat just be careful not to kick the brake."

"Are you out of your ever-loving mind?" she was a little scandalized and a lot amused. Truth be known, she was also disappointed that this was turning into just another tryst between them. She had hoped that he'd simply wanted to spend time with her.

"Nobody ever comes down this road, especially not now with it being dark," he assured her as he unbuckled her decorative butterfly belt.

He would respect her wishes if she said no, but she kissed his forehead lovingly. She should be mad at him for so many things.

He reached up, placing his hands in her hair and she could tell he was taking stock of the length of it; it was a few inches past her shoulder now, longer than she'd ever let it get before.

"I know. It's getting too long."

"No, I like it," he said.

"Really? Well, maybe I'll leave it then." She wanted to please him in every way that she could though she knew she would never be pleasing enough for him. But she could hope.

"I'm glad it's you I'm here with," he said, his voice full of adoration.

"Even though I'm not as young as I once was?" She sounded vulnerable and harsh at the same time; she'd meant it to come across casually.

"Are you getting older? I hadn't noticed," he said blithely, his hands outlining her curves.

The warmth of affection flooded her because the dope actually seemed to mean it. Of course, by the same token, he didn't seem to notice he was getting any older either.

His mouth joined to hers and it really was as if no time had passed between them, both a blessing and a curse.

sss

As she traced circles on his chest, she thought about how she used to feel so much more guilt afterwards, but if you ignored a sin long enough, let the initial shock of it wear off, it practically became second nature. It only niggled your conscience every now and then like a fish biting your toes.

"I got me some catfish," he told her.

"Some what?"

"Catfish. In my pond. I'm going to breed them, but I believe they take care of the breeding part on their own. Much easier to care for than cattle."

"I hope you didn't sell all your cattle off. What do you know about raising catfish or any kind of fish? You're a rancher."

"And not a very good one you mean? Don't worry. I'm just branching out a little is all."

"Good. I'm not saying you couldn't be a good catfish farmer, but honey, you got to admit that there ain't much you stick with. Your yard is starting to look like a cemetery where ideas and projects go to die."

He looked away, not really able to physically move away in their cramped quarters. She'd plainly injured his pride.

She tickled him under his chin and on his sides, knowing his ticklish spots. "But I love you anyway, in spite of it."

The tickling had brought a small smile on but the admission had him beaming a wide smile again.

There were always going to be "catfish". He was always going to be chasing after the next new girl, the next exciting thing. She just had to make her peace with that and she had. As much as anyone could. The other girls caught his attention for a time, but she was where his affections lay. That helped her to bare it some. She just wondered if he was really at peace with it himself or if all this chasing was to fill an empty place inside him that he didn't know he had.

"Well, that's enough running, jumping, and playing for one night," she said.

"It's early yet," he complained.

"What if someone comes this way as abandoned as this road is and sees us? How could we explain laying here naked as jaybirds?"

"We got lost and cold and had to keep each other warm."

"In the middle of July in a town we've lived in all our lives?" She laughed but bent over him to retrieve their clothes off the floorboards. "Get dressed."

"What'd I ever do to deserve you?" he asked with a lazy grin.

"Not a single, solitary thing," she teased.

As she buttoned up her shirt while she faced the passenger window, she saw the stars twinkling. It reminded her that there was one who had saw them. _"I'm sorry, Lord." _The words seemed as old and tired as Thaddeus' sorrys, her excuses as worn out. Yet, she always forgave Thaddeus. She hoped that God always forgave her.


	21. Chapter 21

Crystal was patting her horse's white coat as she admired the view: pine trees, water, the windmill blowing in the distance. She wouldn't want to live anywhere else on earth.

She smiled when she saw Thaddeus out riding his black horse. She watched as he drew nearer. There was just something about the sight of a man on a horse that could set a woman's pulse to racing.

"Looks like we had the same idea," he said when he was close enough to be heard. "It is a beautiful day for a ride, ain't it?"

"Just beautiful," she agreed. She pulled her beige cowboy hat lower to help protect her eyes as the bright sun was blinding her vision. "Hey, you wouldn't feel like dinner, would you?"

"You read my mind. I'll race you back to the barn."

She was about to ask if they weren't getting too old for that, but he'd already spurred his horse on ahead. She wasn't about to let him beat her. She kicked her own horse in the flanks, urging him into a gallop.

He'd had too much of a head start. There was only one way she was going to win. She had Homer jump the low fence to take the shortcut.

Jumping had never really been Thaddeus' forte. He had to go around.

"That's cheating," he called out playfully.

When he caught up, she was walking her horse, letting him cool down before she rewarded him with water and oats.

"That wasn't fair," he told her with a grin.

"Who said life was fair?" she said with a grin of her own.

"You got room in your barn for Jethro?"

"Of course. I reckon horses like to visit other horses once in a while."

They'd bought their horses a few years at the same horse auction and had purposefully named them together after their favorite country duo.

A dusty ray of light shot into the barn and Thaddeus quickly located its source. "You got a hole in your roof. Did you know that?"

"Yeah. I'll get it fixed before the hay harvest. Old Homer here don't mind a few rain drops."

"I'll patch it up for you tomorrow."

"Thanks. I'd really appreciate it."

He suddenly grabbed her hand and led her into the kitchen where there was a cake that was too nice to be one he made, but he had worked a sloppy, long message onto it with gel icing. It read 'Happy Birthday, Princess With all my love, Thaddeus'. There were a few balloons and streamers too.

"Happy birthday, baby," he said out loud, giving her a tender kiss.

He wouldn't be winning any decorator awards, she thought with a laugh, but it was such a sweet gesture. "Oh, Thaddeus."

"You thought I'd forgotten, didn't you?"

She had to admit she had.

After they washed their hands and cut the cake, she dipped her finger into the white icing and tasted. "Buttercream, my favorite."

He sat down on one of the kitchen chairs and pulled her onto his lap. She dipped her finger in again and this time let him take a taste.

"You want to know something crazy that I was thinking just this morning? I've been with you now longer than I have with my uncle and parents combined."

"That's a scary thought." She teased, but there was an element of seriousness there too.

He batted at her long braid affectionately; her now elbow-length hair had become one of his favorite playthings. "You know what else? You're as beautiful now as you were when you were 16. Maybe more so."

She laughed. This was her 40th birthday. "You're either nuts or blind or both."

"Well, actually I did have to get me some reading glasses, but that ain't got nothing to do with it."

Her interest perked. "Really? Do you have them on you?"

"Yeah." He pulled out the black frames from his front shirt pocket.

She took them from him and hooked them on behind his ears. She cocked her head as she studied him. "I think they look sexy."

He smiled and then acted as if he were examining her closely. "Yep, definitely prettier than ever."

"You're a liar," she said fondly as she combed his hair with her fingers. She didn't miss the silver hair mixed in with his black. It saddened her a little because like the glasses it was just one more sign that time was getting away from them. "But I love you."

Those 3 little words still made him warm and tingly after all this time. He thought he knew in that moment why some men got married. There was just something so nice about someone who knew you so completely and loved you anyway, faults and all, especially when you felt the same way. And there was a bond that formed with years that couldn't just be suddenly erased, at least he hoped not. They'd been through a lot together. Sometimes at the most random times he longed for her company, longed to tell her about something as simple as something he'd seen on the news or he just wanted to show her something. "Do you ever think of marrying anymore?"

"No." She laid her cheek against his head, not realizing he wasn't speaking in generalities. "I'm used to the way things are."

He still found it hard to put into words the way he felt about her in his mind and with his mouth, but he wanted her to know that he would give her anything she desired. "You know what I'd like to get you for your birthday? A palace with servants falling at your feet. The sun and the moon and the stars."

"What if I just want you?"

He swallowed hard, running the back of his hand down the side of her face. "You have me."

She just shook her head in amused exasperation, knowing she didn't really or at least not in the way she wanted.

He'd danced close to a proposal for the 2nd time in his life, but he knew the kind of man he was. That ship had sailed, too many years and things had passed between them, but if any woman could make him want to try being a husband anyway, it was her. It was time for presents before he said something he couldn't take back.

He reached over and took the wrapped gift from the table and put it in her hands, the wrinkled paper and uneven corners telling her he'd wrapped it himself.

It was a star necklace on a silver chain studded with diamonds.

"It belonged to my mother. It's as close to a real star as I could get, but you deserve so much more."

She held the box against her chest. He was telling her by giving it to her that no other woman came close to that tender memory. That she was more to him than just another girlfriend or access to free love. It meant as much as if he'd gotten her an engagement ring. Almost. "I'll treasure it always."


	22. Chapter 22

Eddie and Thaddeus were crouched down in his truck even though the old vehicle itself stuck out like a sore thumb with its sloppy, almost patriotic red, white, and blue splashes of paint.

They sat out in front of the courthouse and they could hear a couple of wild shots coming from in there.

Eddie shook his head. "Somebody ought to take his bullets away before he ends up shooting somebody or himself even."

"No kidding. We probably shouldn't have released the mice into the courthouse. You know we're toast if he checks at the pet store for who brought that many white mice, don't you?" Thaddeus asked with a grin.

"Yeah, but did you hear him scream like a girl? This prank was definitely worth a little jail time. Besides, after all the times we didn't deserve being put behind bars, we have to even up the score a little bit."

They could hear Judge swearing at some innocent little mouse even from outside and then another bullet was fired.

"And it should keep him occupied and off our backs for awhile while we go have us a time at the honky tonk," Eddie added.

"Speaking of which, we better get going before he puts two and two together," Thaddeus said, starting up the engine.

Eddie rubbed his hands together. "I'm excited. It's so much easier for me to snare a date since my parents moved to Florida. Now that I got a house to myself."

"How are they doing? They liking Florida?"

"Loving it apparently. And my mom still manages to harass me about giving her grandchildren every time she calls. Just in case I miss that. She also calls to check that I'm still going to church."

Some of Thaddeus' good humor faded.

"Sorry, Sledge. I forget sometimes that I'm blessed enough to still have parents left to harass me."

"I just think my life could've been very different if my parents hadn't died when I was so young," he said wistfully.

"Why would you want it any different? I think we have a lot of fun."

He smiled. "So we do." He gunned down on the gas pedal, knowing Judge wouldn't be out to give them a speeding ticket anytime soon.

sss

Crystal and 3 other church ladies, one the pastor's wife, were packing and sorting the goods that had been gathered for the Thanksgiving food drive.

"He's just so regular every Saturday night," complained Mrs. Swanson, a heavyset, middle-aged woman. "What happened to the romance?"

"Well, at least, you can count on it. I practically have to dance naked to get Bill to notice me," said Mrs. Wright, a petite woman in her late 30s with enough makeup caked on for 10 women.

"Crystal, bless her heart, has no idea what we're talking about," Mrs. Swanson said. "We're going to make her ears burn with our frank talk."

Crystal focused on a package of stuffing like she was checking for an expiration date, feeling embarrassed but not for the reason they thought. It was for the fact that she knew more than they thought.

Turning to complaints outside the bedroom, Mrs. Swanson went on, "I have to practically beg him to take out the trash."

"Mine thinks I was put on this earth to wait on him hand and foot. He definitely notices me when the food's not on the table."

Mrs. Swanson fanned herself as if the conversation had worn her out. "You're lucky, Crystal, you don't have to put up with a husband."

"Personally, I don't know how you do it," Mrs. Wright said. "I would just be so lonely living all by myself."

"It takes some getting used to," she agreed politely.

"Well, it could be worse," Mrs. Swanson said, the most opinionated of the bunch. "You could've ended up married to Sledge. Why you ever went out with him in high school I'll never know. You can thank God that you escaped that fate. He leaves a trail of broken hearts and he's shiftless. That farm of his barely stays afloat."

Her face flamed, this time in anger. "I would've been proud to end up as his wife. He's a good man and if I had, I certainly wouldn't be shaming him by throwing his faults out in public for others to ridicule."

They were all a little stunned. Crystal normally had little to say and they'd certainly never heard a bold declaration from her like that. She was the quiet, dependable sort, always willing to serve behind the scenes no matter the task and never getting in a tiff with other church members.

"Perhaps it isn't the best subject of conversation but something we should be discussing with our husbands," agreed Bea Harris, the pastor's wife. Bea was the consummate pastor's wife: friend to anyone she met and able to smooth any ruffled feathers. And as a woman in her mid 60s, though she didn't look it, there were few church problems she hadn't seen.

The ladies mostly finished packing the Thanksgiving dinners into boxes in silence. They loaded them into the church van to be delivered to the local food bank. Only keeping out 2 or 3 for some of the struggling members in their own congregation.

Mrs. Swanson and Mrs. Wright left first.

"You need help taking the food over there?" Crystal asked.

"Nah, the employees at the food bank'll help unload."

"I'm sorry, Ms. Bea, about earlier. I shouldn't have lashed out in anger like I did, but Thaddeus, I mean Sledge, is a good man, unchurched maybe, but still a good man. He helps me around my farm all the time."

"They were asking for it. I should've said something sooner about what they were doing." She tilted her head a little and stared as if she could see past her facade. "You know if you ever need or want to talk, I'm available. Of course, Steven would talk with you too, but if you feel more comfortable talking to me, he'd understand."

Did she suspect the depth of her sin? Did she guess that she'd been carrying on a sexual relationship with Thaddeus for over 20 years? Her eyes radiated kindness and compassion and Crystal felt drawn to it, but would it still be there if she confessed her wrongdoing and it was discovered her faith wasn't as strong as everyone else's? She doubted it. And she knew exactly how she would counsel her, but knowing the right thing to do wasn't her problem. It was wanting to do it.

Church was her strongest earthly relationship. She didn't want to do anything to endanger it, but she didn't want to end things with Thaddeus either. She was stuck in the middle between the two and she wondered if she would ever have to choose one over the other. "That's a kind offer. I'll keep it in mind."

Bea hugged her as church women were apt to do. "Know that you're in my prayers daily."

Crystal's eyes watered with emotion as she realized how she coveted those prayers. "Thank you."


	23. Chapter 23

Thaddeus put on his favorite cowboy hat and polished his teeth. After one last check in the mirror, he left to pick up Eddie to go to the honky tonk. On the way over, they carried on by singing the real estate commercial on the radio. Alvin Carl almost felt like an old friend they'd heard it so much.

Years of practice had honed their skills to a fine art and it didn't take them long to zero in on a pretty, young blonde waiting to get a table after they got there. They made a big show of how she was an old acquaintance though they'd never seen her before tonight.

She resisted at first until he showed her his belt with the snake, the logo of the dance hall. As regular customers, they didn't have to wait in line. She got the idea real quick then. He promised her a fun time complete with dancing. She agreed on the condition that her friend be included.

Eddie readily agreed, but her friend was much plainer and now Eddie's date. Thaddeus couldn't help but laugh but that was the luck of the draw sometimes.

Thaddeus took his date for a spin on the dance floor while Eddie went to get drinks and snacks.

A pretty woman caught Eddie's eye after he got back. He carefully and kindly ditched his accidental date. It made no matter to him that the woman sat right beside her husband. She was beautiful and she was interested and her husband was occupied by the music.

Thaddeus problem started with the young singer. He injured his pride from the start by thinking he was the girl's father though he was old enough to be the girl's daddy. But when he wouldn't stop cutting in on the dance floor, he got really angry. It didn't take long to make quick work of him. He grabbed the back of his shirt and threw him outside. He received a round of applause which inflated his ego and his date looked a little impressed.

So when the singer's 4 band mates got involved, he mouthed off about how hard he'd hit him, which in retrospect might not have been the brightest idea, but Thaddeus had a tendency to speak and act before he thought.

The 4 men dogpiled him, but he was able to throw them off and slug a couple of them. The singer limped back in. Eddie joined him a little late to the game and not much help. Eddie's main strategy was to jump on people's backs.

Despite the valiant effort the two were no match for an entire band, they were the ones tossed out this time and Judge who was on the other side of the door got knocked out in the process.

They sat on the front bumper of his truck to catch their breaths.

Thaddeus' date popped her head out the door. "Thought you was going to be fun?"

"I am a lot of fun," Thaddeus argued.

"No you ain't. You're just an old fool."

She went back inside and Thaddeus didn't really even care that much.

"What happened, Sledge?"

"Same old thing, Eddie." he sighed. "Same old thing."

As he was sitting there with a bloody lip, his thoughts turned to Crystal. She could give him the physical and emotional comfort he craved right now.

He dropped Eddie back off and then went straight to Crystal's.

Crusher did his usual barking, but he knew she would put him out back.

The gate fell at his touch. If it was possible to hate an inanimate object, he did. He picked it up out of the way.

She was waiting at the screen door. "You alright?" She could see at a glance that he'd been in a fight and he looked sulky. It also wasn't his usual night to come over.

"Yeah," he said with a nod. That was the balm he needed to know that a woman truly cared for and about him.

She gave him a sunny smile that melted his bad mood almost instantly.

She welcomed him in by slipping an arm around him and offering him a kiss.

They headed straight to the bedroom, arms wrapped around each other.

The sheets smelled like their usual lilac, a smell that he associated with her and a smell that got him excited.

She undid her robe, which had his full attention, but he remembered to ask, "Uh, you need me to put on-"

"No, I took my pill. I'm so glad they came up with those. It makes everything so much easier."

"And more fun," he added as he joined her on the bed. "You are so beautiful," he said, running his hands through her long hair in admiration. He still remembered the girl's hurtful words, calling him an old fool, and he wasn't so sure but that she wasn't right. But he was soon distracted from those thoughts.

Crystal's sweet kisses were peppering the side of his face as her hands explored some of his more sensitive areas. He was stirred not just physically but emotionally, especially when she said, "I love you."

He smiled his appreciation and showed her his own affection by turning his attention to her own pleasure.

sss

She poured him more coffee while he stole discomfited looks at her. He didn't deserve a woman who was so good to him, who always overlooked his indiscretions whether it was fighting or women. He truly loved her and he hated how he cheapened their relationship, just not enough to stop coming around.

She came up behind him and perched her hands on his shoulders. She asked with a grin, "You're always just a little bit embarrassed when the sun comes up, aren't you?"

She gave his cheek a quick smack with her lips that received no response and then she smacked his shoulder playfully with her hand. "Oh, go on. I'm going to church anyway."

"Wouldn't want to hold you up," he said immediately, thankful and eager for the escape she always gave him.

She shook her head, still wearing a smile. Sometimes it was either laugh or cry.

"Thaddeus, when you going to fix my gate?" she called from the door.

"Aww, I'll get around to it one of these days."

"You been saying that for years."

"Oh, Crystal."

"What's the matter? Afraid you're not going to be able to get out?"

She laughed as he had no response for that, hinting that she'd hit close to home.

She waited until he got in his truck and then she went back inside to get ready. The rumpled sheets and dirty breakfast dishes the only sign that he'd been there. She sighed.

sss

Thaddeus, on the other hand, was on a high from his time with Crystal and happy enough to sing. He sang the song that reminded him so much of Crystal.

"Got me feeling like a million when you treat me like you do, do, do  
>Well, I was glad to see you when the sun come up this morning<br>I was glad to hear you say I'm still in love with you

Oh don't you know I couldn't stand it if you ever leave me, baby  
>Don't you know I couldn't take it if you ever were untrue."<p>

Judge was laying in wait for him, attempting a bad road block. He had to swerve to miss him. Thaddeus tried to get away, but Judge shot his tire.

"Get out of that truck, boy," he said, holding his gun on him.

"I believe that's about the goofiest thing I ever saw in my life."

"Well, you ain't see the inside of my jail yet, Thaddeus." he said, emphasizing his name, knowing well how he reacted to it.

It got him out of the truck and he warned, "Don't you call me Thaddeus. Nobody but Crystal calls me Thaddeus."

Judge gaped at him as if waiting for him to spill more, his eyes beady with indignation. Crystal was his sore spot. Though he had gotten married to a rich gal from the bordering county, Thaddeus suspected he still hadn't gotten over it. Judge could hold a grudge.

"Besides you're out of bullets." Thaddeus said, knowing exactly how many the chamber in Judge's gun held from years of experience. He knocked his gun out of his way to go over to Judge's car.

Judge checked and saw that he was right, "Daggum gun."

Judge needlessly handcuffed him and they drove to the courthouse where the church crowd gathered around the car to see who Judge had gotten this time, Eddie or Thaddeus.

"Judge, you alright?" asked one of the town's council members.

"I'll live. I'll live. You just go on about your business. None of your concern. Official law business. Go on now. Go on," he said talking to the crowd, who didn't budge. To the council member, he said, "Help me get the prisoner out. Don't stand there like a bump on a log. Get him out. He ain't going to cause you no trouble."

"What'd you do, Sledge?" asked the councilman.

"Quit talking to the prisoner," Judge ordered.

"Well, what'd he do?" he asked.

"And quit talking to me," Judge said. "This is official law business."

"Pardon me, Judge," he said, moving out of the way, not wanting to rile Judge into giving him his own cell.

Crystal came marching over with shawl and Bible case, looking every inch the proper church lady.

"Good morning., Miss Fentress. How are you this morning?" Judge asked.

"Morning," she said cordially but not hiding the concern she felt.

"Crystal, leave it alone," Thaddeus warned. He knew she wanted to help but nothing good was going to come of her getting involved.

She ignored him. "What's going on here, Judge?"

"Well, now old Sledge got himself in a little trouble last night. Don't concern you, ma'am. It's official law business."

"Sledge was at my house last night," she said, making the decision in a split second.

Thaddeus' eyes widened. She'd never publicly admitted their adult relationship, at least not beyond being neighborly. She was cutting herself off from all the church folks that surrounded them and taking her stand with him.

She looked all around, gauging the church members' reactions. Reactions that she had feared for a long time, but she knew God hated a lying tongue as much as He disliked a whorish woman. In fact, it was the lying tongue that was called an abomination to God. And the fact of the matter was, she cared about Thaddeus more than she cared for her reputation. So, in case they'd missed the implication the first time, she added, "All night long."

"Oh? Is that a fact?" JK's suspicions were finally confirmed and he wanted to make her hurt as much as he did. "Then you must be number 2 on the list, Miss Fentress. Cause earlier he was down at the dance hall with some little blonde gal causing trouble. He hit me with a great big door, " he said, waving his gun towards his black eye. He was really mad now and he practically dragged Thaddeus to his cell.

Thaddeus tried to turn himself back to explain that the girl meant nothing, but JK was having none of it. "Crystal!" he called.

This was a brand new, fresh hurt: to think that she had only been a way to cool his physical urges that some other girl had started, to realize she was a card he kept in his back pocket when nothing else panned out. She had at least hoped that he planned or wanted to see her the times that he visited her.

Judge didn't even bother to take his cuffs off in his hurry to lock him up. He sat with an ice pack on his black eye and his feet propped up on the desk. Too furious to even talk to him. The deer behind him represented the only thing Judge had ever shot and then Thaddeus believed he'd just gotten lucky. He should have tried harder to escape.

He didn't wait long though. Thaddeus' bail came from an unlikely source, Alvin Carl, the Texan whose commercial played on the radio everyday until the annoying tune got stuck in your head.

Judge was unimpressed and downright grouchy with the man until he realized he had status and therefore likely money.

The grouchiness returned when Alvin asked him, "Do you always leave your prisoners cuffed up like this?"

"No, sometimes I just shoot them." Alvin laughed. "Now what was it you wanted?" Judge barked.

"I've come down here to pay this gentleman's fine," Alvin said.

"Well, now he ain't no gentleman and my court's not in session."

But Judge changed his tune when Alvin Carl paid court costs plus the fine, which translated bribe. If there was one thing Judge loved more than seeing him and Eddie behind bars, it was money.

Thaddeus was grateful, but he knew there had to be a motive of some sort. "What's your deal?"

Alvin started going on about real estate and such, but he interrupted him and asked him point blank. "Why'd you pay my bail?"

"Well, I understand you got a little ranch. You ever think about selling?"

"No," he said, the answer immediate.

But Alvin was relentless and he offered him a ride He shrugged and agreed. Thaddeus couldn't see the harm in that.

Eddie rolled in seconds behind to mount a rescue and accidentally knocked down Judge again with the door.

Meanwhile, Alvin had talked Thaddeus into viewing some slides and he unenthusiastically watched the various properties go by, but he did put on his reading glasses. Alvin offered everything from desert to swamp. He might have seemed a little crazy to the man, but he wasn't so crazy that he'd want an alligator farm. It was a fruit farm that caught his attention though. Beautiful fruit and sunshine all year round. Mexican workers to help him learn the ropes. He'd been itching for something different and this seemed to just fall into his lap. It would be a completely different life, not just a little side venture.

After he signed the papers, he bought a sack of fruit and went over to Vioreen's and told her and Eddie of how he'd traded farms. Eddie was a little sore at getting locked up only to find Thaddeus had already been freed and the news that he was moving didn't help.

Still, they played a game of dominoes that night and they got into one of their silly arguments over what it took to ride a bull. Eddie argued it took heart and Thaddeus that it took a strong arm and a tight butt.

Eddie decided to put the argument to rest by proving his point. He got onto the back of a big, black bull. The animal was hitherto unridden and pretty angry that Eddie was on him.

Thaddeus reluctantly helped him by opening the chute and out he went with Thaddeus cheering him on.

He managed to stay on it for a few good seconds before he was thrown off. He rolled and hit the fence. Thaddeus ran over when he didn't get up right away, shaking and slapping his cheeks to wake him.

Eddie revived enough to tell him they were going to have to cut out this kind of stuff and then his head lulled to one side.

For a moment, Thaddeus feared he was dead. He put his head to his chest to listen for a heartbeat, relieved when he heard it. He slung Eddie over his shoulder and carried him to the house.

sss

All Thaddeus' life's belongings could be fit into his truck bed and an open trailer. Eddie just watched that morning as he packed.

Eddie became angry when it was time for him to leave and refused to shake his hand or say goodbye. He hadn't truly believed he'd go through with it until now.

Eddie drove off in a huff, telling him to go shake hands with a grapefruit.

sss

Thaddeus went to see Crystal last, not because he cared about her the least, but because she was the one he cared for the most and the one he wanted the least to leave.

Crystal came to the door smiling.

"You been alright?" he asked.

"Yeah, you know me." And she was smiling, having already put it behind her.

"Just thought I'd come by see if you need help with anything."

"Well, you never did fix my gate."

"Got the hay in?" he asked, not so subtly, switching subjects.

"Had me a family of Mexicans hired last Monday and they got it in." Her smile was gone as she asked, "When you moving? I heard you're moving." She'd had to hear it from Vioreen.

"Tomorrow. Tomorrow morning."

"That soon, huh?"

"Mmm-hmm." He turned around, not able to look at her as told her. "I'm anxious to get on down to the valley, Crystal. Sunshine, oranges all year round. That place I traded for got all kind of fruit trees on it."

Did he realize that it would put an end to things between them? She reminded him of it with her next comment. "You have to send me some picture postcards." She was on the verge of tears. Had she even entered his mind, into his plans at all?

"I'm really going to miss you, Crystal," he said, the earnest words and feeling saying that he had known it would end things.

She looked down, not wanting him to read the pain she felt. He hadn't even asked her to go along. She wouldn't have probably, but he hadn't even asked.

"You know sometimes I think I made a real bad mistake back there a long time ago."

She knew without his saying it that he referred to the night before graduation. The night they'd come so close to getting married. "You didn't make no mistake, Thaddeus. I'd've expected certain things and you'd've felt all cooped up." She finally came out the door onto the porch. "Did you come to say goodbye?"

He just couldn't say goodbye to her even though he knew that was what he was in effect doing. "I just wanted to see you, Crystal. I wanted to tell you I was sorry about the other day."

"It's okay." It wasn't anything she wasn't used to and she knew deep down he hadn't meant to hurt her even though he had.

He knew he had too. "Aww, I just got to something different with my life, Crystal," he said angrily, the anger directed at himself. "I got dominoes on Wednesday, honky tonk on Saturday! What kind of life is that? I feel like that place in the valley is something different."

"You been looking for something different all our lives!" She was angry now too, but the anger was directed at him. "How is going off down yonder going to make you different? Is it going to make you different? That's what you been looking for. You just don't know it. But you know something? If you say goodbye to me. You just up and go. Then you better mean goodbye." She'd been keeping her frustration pent up all these years, letting it build and keeping it hidden from him, and now like a dam the words were bursting forth. He had to know she wasn't going to be waiting in the wings anymore.

"Aww, it's a shame we can't go back," he said still angry with the way his life had turned out, but he meant it. If they could go back, he would choose to ask for her hand and save them from all these years of heartache and grief and disappointment.

"We did our deciding a long time ago. I know that now." Thaddeus had decided not to take her for his wife all those years ago and she had decided to be okay with it. Well, not anymore. It was time to stop living this pale imitation of marriage. It wasn't satisfying. It never had been. It had only served to intensify the pain.

"Aww Crystal," he said softly, wanting to comfort her. He held out his arms, expecting her to come into them like always.

This time she didn't. She turned her back on him and went inside. And he didn't try to follow her.

sss

He was a long time on the road about 3 hours all toll and he spent most of it thinking about Crystal.

The house was even more run down than his had been and that was saying something, a fact the picture's far away shot had neglected to show. Beer bottles littered the porch and the screen door fell off at his touch. A group of Mexican men sat around the table drinking, making it plain to see why everything had fallen into disrepair. It was worse than that though. The fruit trees looked half dead. He never should have taken it sight unseen.

He asked for Pablo, who was as soused as the rest of them and spoke not a word of English, which he didn't discover right away because he always said yes and acted as if he was giving great thought to whatever Thaddeus had just said. He only kept Pablo, not able to pay for the rest of the crew, because of the farm's condition.

Thaddeus waited until he sobered up and then went with him to inspect the farm more closely. The place was a mess all around. He plucked a piece of sickly fruit from a branch and threw it to the ground. Still, he was determined he was going to make something a success for once in his life. All he needed was a little muscle.

He started by fixing the water pump and they carried buckets of water to the dry trees. He practically begged the trees to grow.

sss

Crystal looked through mail every day and always checked the mailbox one more time to make sure a postcard hadn't slipped by her notice. Every time she rode, she looked as if she expected he'd just ride into sight like he had so many times before. She took walks with Crusher and found that he seemed to be looking for Thaddeus too.

Sometimes the loneliness and loss threatened to overwhelm her, especially when she remembered all the good times they had shared.

And then a thought occurred to her on one such walk. "Is this how you felt, Lord?"

She had originally thought that God had done the leaving because of the magnitude of her sin, but it was her that had moved away from Him in the same way Thaddeus had with an 'I'll miss you, but my own desires mean more to me.'

It was an attitude that had broken her heart. But now she realized that she had done the exact same thing to God, said the same thing in her heart. Through it all, she'd pictured only His disapproval and His anger over her sin, but had He wept over her, the way she had wept over Thaddeus? The book of Jeremiah certainly indicated God could weep long before Jesus wept as a man. God was not unfeeling, in fact He felt so much more, loved so much more.

She fell to her knees right there in the grass.

It was peculiar how the right scripture seemed to float into her head at that particular moment. She could almost Him saying it to her. "I have loved you with an everlasting love. I will forgive your wickedness and remember your sin no more."

She returned it scripture for scripture, but it was more than just a verse, it was the cry of her heart, "Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for You are the one I praise."

She still hurt, but it was comforting to know she had One who understood her pain, who loved her in spite of her sins.

She'd skipped going to church that Sunday Thaddeus had been arrested, but she couldn't hide away forever. She went the following Sunday and this time the looks and whispering weren't imagined. She knew she had to address the people to bring a quick end to it. If only they hadn't heard her public confession, but they had and so she felt she had no choice.

She asked Pastor Steven and Ms. Bea if she could speak in front of the church before the sermon got underway.

They were both still surprisingly kind.

"No one's going to hear a thing I say this Sunday if you don't," he said lightly. Then more seriously, he said, "God will give you the words, sister."

Bea gave her a hug before she went up front, which meant as much as the words.

The church became immediately still. She kept it brief and to the point, "For those of you who didn't hear, I've been carrying on a relationship with a man I wasn't married to for not just a little while but for years. I ask your forgiveness because I know I hurt our witness in the community with the way it came out, but I want you to know I was saved as a little child. That was no deception. I've strayed, had my years in the wilderness, and I'm sorry for that. I've asked His forgiveness. Now I ask you for yours."

The pastor and his wife stood up to show their support and forgiveness and soon the congregation was standing with them. Though everyone stood up, she knew there would be some who would never forgive her though it didn't really have a thing to do with them, of which Mrs. Wright and Mrs. Swanson were two. They would forever brand her a loose, fallen woman and there wasn't a thing she could do to change their opinion, but that was their sin to deal with, not hers.

sss

Thaddeus read up on what all he could about oranges and grapefruit in the evenings, since his worker couldn't tell him anything, while Pablo played the guitar.

Thaddeus was beyond thrilled when he spotted the first bloom on the tree. He fell to the ground and screamed and laughed in delight, making Pablo doubt his sanity.

He marked where the temperature couldn't drop with his pocket knife next to the thermometer. Pablo seemed to understand but then Pablo acted as if he understood everything, so it was hard to tell.

Thaddeus skipped when fruit appeared on the trees, healthy fruit. Pablo was pretty excited about it too. Thaddeus celebrated their good fortune by taking them into town for a drink.

He asked the bartender where the pretty girls were, but the man was unhelpful and only made a smart reply that he kept them tied up in the back. His only hope was to get Pablo to understand what he wanted. He made enough gestures until Pablo understood.

Pablo's idea of a pretty girl was his older Mexican aunt, a stout woman who hugged Thaddeus tight like she was trying to squeeze the stuffing out of him while Pablo danced happily with his wife.

If he didn't know any better, he'd swear Pablo had done this on purpose and that it wasn't just a simple miscommunication, especially since he'd seen his picture of Crystal.

Truth be known though, even if he'd gotten him a pretty, young senorita, it wouldn't change the fact that he was missing Crystal right now like he'd known he would.

A chilly night had Thaddeus checking the thermometer and it was clearly in the danger zone. He and Pablo ran for the sheets. If the trees felt the frost, they were done for. The wind made their work hard, but in the end, their efforts proved as fruitless as the trees.

Pablo didn't seem surprised when Thaddeus called it quits. He only shook his hand. Thaddeus put up a for sale sign. He could have tried again, but he didn't really want to. He missed the people back home, namely Eddie and Crystal.

The covers fluttered on the trees like ghosts and something had died, his chasing after the bend in the next road. He was going to start being satisfied with right now. It was like Crystal had said. It had been himself he was looking to change, not his circumstances.

A curve in the road made his open trailer come unhitched and his things rolled down into the creek. He got out of the truck and thought momentarily about retrieving them, but if things worked out the way he wanted them to, he wouldn't be needing the old sticks of furniture anyway. His most personal, valuable items were still in the truck bed. He just wanted to get home and get things back to normal.

Thaddeus found Eddie at Vioreen's. The pumpkin decorations said time hadn't stood still like he hoped, so did the girl Eddie was with and the mustache. Eddie delivered the blow that this time he was the one moving.

Thaddeus stormed out to the street where a group of young men threw a tomato that hit him in the head. He was having none of it already being in a surly mood. He jumped in front of their truck and then climbed on the hood. Eddie rescued the boys by helping Thaddeus to see the humor in it, throwing one of the tomatoes at JK's poster.

Soon they were joining the boys on their Halloween prank, which brought JK on their tails just like old times. They plugged Judge's exhaust pipe with a tomato. When Judge started the car, he made half batty Nadine get hit in the chest with it.

Harvey thought Judge had finally shot somebody. Judge almost thought he had too. Both parties were relieved to find it was just the tomato though Nadine didn't seem to hear that part. Harvey still threatened to sue Judge.

The boys dropped them back off at the café where they discovered Carlotta was gone but had left Dog, Eddie's beagle.

They spent what was left of the night drinking out on the sidewalk. Eddie was still secretly holding out hope Carlotta would return. Thaddeus stayed and kept him company.

"Look at that old sleepy town out there, Eddie," Thaddeus said when the sun had rose.

"Yeah. My feet's killing me. You think that old judge going to be hunting us today?"

"Like a duck on a junebug."

"That don't scare me. That scare you?"

"Naw, that don't scare me." He stood up and stretched, "I tell you what scares me, Eddie. The way we been all our lives, the way we were last night. Acting like silly kids again. That's what scares me, Eddie."

"I think I'll saw off this broom," he said, referring to his mustache.

"You're sorry she went, ain't you?"

"Yeah, I'm kind of sorry. She really meant something to me, Sledge. She really did. I ain't afraid to admit it."

"Women can really get to you sometimes." Though he spoke of Carlotta, he thought of Crystal.

"And she didn't try to fool me," Eddie added. "She told me she was a goer."

"I guess I know something about goers, but you know what? Sometimes the goers wish they hadn't gone in the first place."

"Well, I kind of like to think Carlotta will feel that way someday."

"But how you going to know, huh? How you going to know Eddie. I mean you're just sitting there jawboning. How you going to know how Carlotta really feels? How you going to know?"

Eddie stood up. "Sledge, you trying to run me off?"

"If you still love that girl then yeah. Maybe I am."

"You know something? I do."

"Then go get that girl. Go get that pretty girl, Eddie."

"Shoot, that's a good idea. Come on, Dog. Get up in there, dummy," he said, putting his dog in the back seat. To Thaddeus, he said, "I'll find her."

"I believe you will, Eddie."

"Hey, you ever here this little honk," he said, reaching over and honking his car horn. "You look up cause it'll be me and Carlotta coming up the road with Dog."

Thaddeus put out his hand out for a handshake.

"You take care now, Sledge," Eddie said, taking it.

"Okay, buddy. Good luck to you."

"I'll be in touch," Eddie promised.

Who said real men couldn't hug, Thaddeus thought. And so he drew his lifelong friend into a hug.

Hands in his pockets, he watched as Eddie drove off. He hopped up out of the way as Eddie pulled out because he didn't trust Eddie not to run over his feet. He gave him one final wave and called out, "Hey, bull rider, don't eat no grapefruit!"

He sighed deeply with Eddie gone. He'd been putting off seeing Crystal, afraid of her reaction to his return. She'd been pretty steamed at him. It was going to take more than an apology or a declaration of love this time to get her back.

His eyes fell on the hardware store across the street. He knew just how he'd do it.

sss

Crystal heard the hammering as she made up her bed and went to find the source of it. She saw it, but she couldn't quite bring herself to believe it at first. She went out onto the porch for a closer look.

Thaddeus was finally fixing the gate, putting on brand new hinges and a latch. He heard her come out and looked upside down at her and gave her a lovesick grin.

He could see by her smile that she had forgiven him even though she shook her head at him.

He looked at her upright this time and gave her another small smile. He didn't deserve a second chance with her, but he wanted one. He latched the gate shut with him inside the yard, an announcement of his intentions. He looked for her response.

Hands shoved in her pocket. She looked touched but then her eyes dropped to the ground as he came towards her. She didn't know if she could trust him with her heart again, but he gently lifted her chin up and his eyes said she could.

He opened the door for her, holding his arm up high for her to walk under it. She gave it a moment's thought. To walk in with him would be a commitment. After a heavy pause, she smiled and then he smiled in relief.

The something different he had needed and wanted had been right under his nose the whole time, he thought, as he followed her into the house.


	24. Chapter 24

"Did you have anything for breakfast?" was the first thing Crystal asked.

"A beer," Thaddeus responded.

"Real nutritional," she said with a shake of her head. "Set down and let me fix you something to eat."

He obeyed with a smile and just enjoyed watching the sight of her bustling around the kitchen: putting bread in the toaster and cracking eggs. A sight he hadn't been sure he would ever see again.

Once the eggs were frying, she asked. "You know things can't go back to the way they were, don't you?"

"I don't want them to," he said firmly. "I shut the gate for a reason. I know you had some concern I would feel cooped up living with you. That may have been true at one time, but it ain't anymore cause I know who I am now and what I want and what I want is you."

She turned away from the stove to face him. "There's something you should know. I rededicated myself to God."

"You never stopped going to church," Thaddeus pointed out, not understanding what she meant.

"But I wasn't living right. I wasn't putting God first." She saw his stuff piled in the truck through the window. "Which means I wouldn't feel good about us staying together until we're married. If we're married," she added.

"That's okay. I can stay at Eddie's. Eddie's away trying to find that Carlotta woman, but I know where to find the key. He wouldn't mind."

"Well, good for Eddie," Crystal said. "They've been thick as thieves. I kind of figured he loved her. I'll pray he finds her."

She set down the plate in front of him and a cup of coffee. His stomach growled in hunger. Come to think of it he hadn't had supper either. He eagerly dug into the plate and yet savored it too, having missed her cooking.

"Want me to heat up the bacon?" she asked. "It's leftover from my breakfast."

"Nah, cold bacon don't bother me."

She sat down across from him. She smiled at him and caught him up on some of the local news, but he didn't miss that she was careful to keep her hands and everything else to herself. She was serious about doing right from now on, which was fine with him because he planned on doing right too.

"I got to see to some things now that I'm back," he said. "You probably do too, but we could catch a movie tonight."

"Sounds real nice and I'd love to, but it's Wednesday. Bible study night."

He knew that. That's why he and Eddie had made Wednesday nights dominoes nights because he could never hang with Crystal then.

"You could go with me you know," she pointed out.

"You trying to convert me?" he asked with a smile.

"No, not if you don't want to be. Faith is something you got to come into on your own, but this is a part of my life that I want to share with you. It's a part of me that I want you to understand."

"If it's that important to you," he agreed.

"It is and I also want people to know I'm not ashamed of you." She reached a hand across the table to take his.

"We're allowed to hold hands?" he asked teasingly.

"Of course and handholding can be romantic all by itself."

"Can't argue there. I must've been crazy to leave you," he said, his voice full of ardor as he brushed his thumb across her knuckles.

"I could've told you that," she said with a grin. Sobering, she said, "This may sound strange, but I'm glad you went. I think it was the only way things were going to change."

"I missed you terribly though," he said truthfully.

"I missed you too," she returned.

"I better go," Thaddeus said, "before I decide I don't want to leave. Pick you up at 5:45. It is at 6:00, ain't it?"

"Yep. I'll be waiting."

sss

She was out in public with Thaddeus, not just a casual run-in, but purposely out with him for all to see. It felt good. A definite hush came over the Bible study group at their entrance.

The preacher, who was leading this Bible study, welcomed them both and the people returned to their light pre-study chatter.

"Let's start where we left off, Romans chapter 3," Pastor Steven said when it was time to start.

As folks asked and answered questions about the passage, it had Thaddeus feeling a bit like a fish out of water. Crystal, sensing his discomfort, slipped her hand into his to make him realize he was where he belonged, by her side.

The message of salvation couldn't have been presented more clearly. And Crystal drew comfort from the message that no one measured up. That righteousness came by faith alone and not works.

Thaddeus didn't drive her straight home when it was through. He parked near the lake.

Not sure she trusted herself alone in the truck with him, she got straight out and he got out with her.

As they walked in the fading light, Thaddeus asked, "Did you really leave off there or was that an attempt to bring an old sinner like me into the fold?"

"No, that's really where we left off. Funny how that works. God always seems to deliver a timely message whether it happens at church or through a friend. So how'd you like it? Church, I mean."

"It wasn't like I expected. I expected yelling and fire and brimstone. It was almost a little disappointing."

She laughed. "That's cause you been watching too many TV preachers. God's more likely to woo us softly, patiently until we reach the end of ourselves. At least, that's been my experience."

"Woo us? You make Him sound like a boyfriend."

"Not a boyfriend, a bridegroom, a husband. He's a God that's after our heart, not our duty. He wants our full love and devotion."

Thaddeus felt a strange ache. He'd never really discussed religion with Crystal before, but the way she put it made it sound appealing. Maybe he'd go to church with her again. After all, he'd tried everything else. Why not church?

They were next to the lake now and he knew this was where he wanted to officially ask her. He knelt down in front of her and took a ring box from his pocket, knowing she'd appreciate the old-fashioned gesture. "Will you marry me?"

It was sudden. He hadn't even been back a full day, but they'd wasted enough time to Crystal's mind. "Yes. Yes, of course, I'll marry you."

He slipped the cool metal band on her left ring finger, proof of his commitment, proof she hadn't just dreamed this morning up.

She held her hand up, the setting sun catching the small diamond. "It's beautiful."

He shoved his hands in his pocket. "It's not much, but it's all I can afford right now."

"You think I care how big the diamond is? It's you I love, not the ring."

He drew her into a soft kiss. "I love you. I love you more than you'll ever know."

It was the first time he'd ever spoken the words in a non-pressure situation and it thrilled her even more than the proposal had.

He laid a kiss on her temple. "I just can't believe I wasted so many years."

"He will restore the years the locusts have eaten. We'll know more joy and abundance in the time we have left than some experience in a lifetime."

"You really believe that, don't you?" he asked with a half laugh, putting his arms more tightly around her.

"I really do," she said, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

He believed it too.


	25. Chapter 25

Engaged. Such a beautiful word, Crystal thought, the following morning as she watched her fiancé, another beautiful word, get out of the truck.

Going into the house to spend time together would make the situation too tempting. She was still only human despite her rededication. "Hang on and I'll get my jacket and meet you outside."

Thaddeus waited on the porch when she stepped out where Crusher sat beside him, tail thumping because he was getting pet.

"He's been a different beast since I got back," Thaddeus commented as he scratched his floppy ears.

"He really did miss you. You'd be surprised how many times he looked for you."

"He would've been a pill to live with if he hadn't decided to take a liking to me."

"I think he's always liked you. Maybe he was just mad cause he knew you weren't going to stay before."

"Could be. Animals are smarter than we give them credit for sometimes." He stood back upright.

"Did you come over for anything in particular?" she asked, folding her arms against the cold.

"You offering?" he asked, pulling her close to warm her up some.

"Behave yourself," she warned, joking but serious too.

"I guess I came to talk wedding plans then. But I wouldn't mind getting a little romance in either. "

"Nothing more romantic than cows," she declared with a smile as she pulled away and headed towards the pasture. She climbed up on the wooden rail fence to sit.

"Too much kissing and hugging up there is libel to lead to an unwanted splinter or two."

"Exactly," she agreed. "The fence makes a nice chaperone."

He climbed up beside her. "Don't being engaged count for nothing?"

"It counts for a lot, but it ain't the same as being married," she said lightly yet firmly. She gave his knee a gentle squeeze.

"Don't start what you can't finish," he said grumpily. "You know what? We should elope. Let's go apply for a license right now."

"A courthouse wedding? You serious? Cause that would mean Judge performing the honors."

"I don't mean this county," Thaddeus clarified though he knew she had feigned ignorance to be funny.

"Eloping would make it seem like we thought we shouldn't have a church wedding. And I just really want a church wedding."

He put his hand over hers. "Then you'll get one."

"That'll mean we have to talk to the preacher. They don't marry people willy nilly. They like to have conversations with the couples first."

He grimaced. Preachers made him uncomfortable, especially when they were up close and personal, but he reminded himself it was for Crystal. "Just set up a time and I'll be there," he promised.

sss

Pastor Steven was smiling as Thaddeus sat down with Crystal. He looked friendly and like an average Joe. That was how they hooked you.

"It's nice to see you both. My first question to you all is do you both know Christ as your Lord and Savior?"

"Of course," Crystal answered right away without hesitation. She looked over at Thaddeus. "Well, at least I do."

His eyes bore into Thaddeus, waiting for an answer, or at least it felt that way to Thaddeus. It hadn't taken long for the man to show his true colors. "I know of Him. I wouldn't ever keep Crystal from going to church. A-as a matter of fact, I've decided I'm going to start going with her." Things would be so much easier if a person could just slug a preacher, but that was bound to rank high on the list of things that would land a body in the fiery pits of hell. If there was a God.

"I worry when a believer wants to marry a nonbeliever. They don't know the problems they're setting themselves up for. It makes for an unhappy union. Marriage is hard enough between Christian brothers and sisters. Marriage ain't for cowards I like to say. But it's not just my opinion. The Bible plainly states that a believer is not to marry an unbeliever. Whatever you think you have in common is nothing if you don't have Christ in common."

Thaddeus looked to Crystal to see what she thought of all this.

"His concerns aren't unfounded," Crystal said sadly. It was a fact that she'd been trying to ignore, but if she was serious about following God now, she couldn't ignore it. If they'd already been married or had a child even, it would be a whole other issue, but they weren't and didn't.

"What are you saying? That in order to marry you I have to become some kind of holy roller?"

How could God be asking her to let him go after all they'd been through? But He was. He was asking her to put Him first for once and trust that He knew best. She felt it. "I wouldn't use those words exactly, but I guess in a sense I am. Maybe we should postpone the wedding. See how things go with church first. Maybe keep meeting with Brother Steven."

She was delivering the news softly, but she was siding with the preacher. "Then maybe we shouldn't get married at all," he said, storming out of the session and the church.

He didn't get in his truck. He was in no mood for driving. He walked right out of town. He didn't know where he was going. He just knew he had to keep walking. He walked until he ran out of steam and then he went over to a huge oak tree and lay against its rough bark. Being the middle of fall, the tree was half bare. He picked up some of the orange oak leaves surrounding him and crumpled them in his hand as if that could make him feel better.

How could he be angry, jealous even, of a God he didn't believe in? Because that's how he felt. He was coming in between Crystal and him. It had been one thing to draw her away from Judge, whom she didn't really love, but how could a mere man compete with spirit?

"Well, maybe I do believe in You after all." It was a bold statement for a man who'd never attended church before 3 days ago, but he realized it was true the moment the words were out of his mouth.

He was at a crossroad. He had a choice to make: give God a chance or keep going his own way.

He wondered why Crystal or Eddie hadn't ever completely lost their faith in the midst of their sin? When it boiled down to it, they still loved and trusted God, words which were almost foreign concepts after his own upbringing, but hadn't he experienced those things in Eddie's friendship and in his relationship with Crystal? He'd credited it to them being good people, but what if it was a reflection of God in them? Maybe that's why he had been drawn to them all along.

"This is Sledge, well Thaddeus really, but then I guess you know that. Maybe I kind of want what they have. Ahh, I'm not good at this kind of stuff. I can hardly ever say what I mean, but then I guess you know that too. I reckon I just want to say I'm sorry. Sorry for leading one of your children off the straight and narrow. And just sorry for everything, I guess. Except Crystal. I'm sorry I didn't marry her first, but I'm not sorry for knowing her. She been one of the only good things in my life. Maybe that was your doing. Now that I know I believe in You, I guess only an idiot would keep going the wrong way. I don't understand much Bible stuff yet, but I want You to save me and I want to know You. Cause You must be pretty special for Crystal to choose You over me."

The wind blew, rustling all the dry leaves around him. He wasn't fanciful enough to think the breeze was God, but something in Him felt different, lighter and that was not his imagination. This was what he had been searching for deep down but had never found, he realized. Until now.

He practically flew back to the church.

The preacher and Crystal were right where he had left them. Crystal's face was tear streaked and he was obviously giving her counsel.

It hit him in that moment that it would seem a little too convenient that he'd gone on a walk and come back a Christian, but that was the truth. He could put it off and act like it had happened at a later time, but it wouldn't be right.

"I just gave my life to Jesus," he told them. "I know that seems hard to believe, but I did. And it wasn't just to get you back, Crystal. I did it for me. Because I wanted to try God."

She stood up and went over to him. "I believe you. I know you would never lie to me." She embraced him and cried fresh tears, happy ones. It might not have worked out so wonderfully, she realized. God might have required a sacrifice from her instead, but she was beyond thankful that He hadn't. And mostly she was happy that Thaddeus' eternal future was set. She hadn't known how much that had worried her until now.

"If only all my sessions went this well," Pastor Steven said. "I'd like to have more though and some ones with you, Sledge, alone, to make sure you understand your newfound faith."

They both nodded their agreement.

"I get the feeling you two don't want a long engagement. How does 3 weeks from now sound if everything goes well?"

3 weeks seemed like a long time to wait to Thaddeus, to Crystal too, but they wanted to start off on the right foot.

"Sounds fine," they said, speaking in unison. They both laughed about it. It seemed they were already of one accord.

sss

He was baptized that Sunday.

"Don't seem like them folks in the Bible let grass grow under their feet when it came to getting baptized. Can I be baptized tomorrow?" he'd asked the preacher during his private session where he'd given Thaddeus passages that related to salvation and explained what had happened in more depth. Pastor Steven had agreed.

Vioreen had actually closed the diner to come see the baptism. Thaddeus and Crystal spoke with her before the service started.

"You closed up just to see me get wet?" Thaddeus asked. "I'm surprised. You're the biggest workaholic I know."

"Aww, Sunday mornings are kind of slow anyway. And I'm going to close it again to see Floresville's most confirmed bachelor actually tie the knot. I'd swear if I didn't know any better that the world was coming to an end."

Thaddeus and Crystal both laughed at that.

"Well, as long as you're coming, you mind being my matron of honor?" Crystal asked.

She smiled. "I'd be pleased to. Real pleased."

Thaddeus knew he would have to find a best man, but he couldn't think of anyone he wanted for such a role besides Eddie. "I guess I better go get that silly robe on. I hope that ain't going to be the fashion in heaven."

"What else goes with a harp?" Vioreen asked.

"And it shows off your legs quite nicely," Crystal added.

"You're both hilarious," Thaddeus grumbled.

5 minutes later, he was in the baptismal pit with Pastor Steven.

He said the words he'd been given to say beforehand for all to hear. "I believe Jesus Christ is the Son of the Living God, my Lord, and my Savior."

Pastor Steven said, as he dunked him beneath the water, "I now baptize you in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, for the forgiveness of your sins, and the gift of the Holy Spirit."

Crystal's was the face he sought in the congregation after he'd been raised up. Her face was shining with pure joy.

After changing back and toweling off, he and the pastor went back to the sanctuary where the tradition was for him to stand at the front while the members filed by to welcome him.

Crystal was the first. She hugged him and her breath tickled his ear as she said, "Hello, my brother in Christ."

The way she said it made him feel warm all over. Something had become eternal about their relationship. She moved to his side instead of going back to her pew.

Judge was the last to shake Thaddeus' hand and his long face was quite pitiful. He looked more than a little disappointed that Thaddeus had turned over a new leaf and was fixing to become a model citizen.

When he and Crystal sat down on the front pew next to Vioreen, Thaddeus grinned and patted his chest as he told Crystal quietly, "You know that kind of gets to me right here. Maybe I ought to stir up a little trouble for Judge for old times' sake. Just to cheer him up a little."

"Thaddeus, don't you dare," Crystal warned. "I ain't planning on marrying you through the bars of a cell door."

"But you would if you had to, wouldn't you?" he teased.

That made her smile. "Probably but I suggest you don't try to find out."


	26. Chapter 26

The day of the wedding arrived, a Saturday that was seasonably cold and crisp, but the sky was a beautiful azure with puffy white clouds and golden sunshine.

Thaddeus still had no best man. He just hadn't been able to decide on one; no one had seemed right for the job. Vioreen said she didn't mind going down the aisle without a man's arm to hold onto and Thaddeus was perfectly capable of carrying the ring in his pocket.

Thaddeus had been given the choir room to ready himself, which had taken all of 5 minutes. He was tempted to go hang out with Crystal until the ceremony began, but she likely wouldn't have stood for breaking tradition and knowing how women were, she was probably still primping anyway.

He checked his appearance again and straightened his tie a little.

He heard a familiar honk. He couldn't believe his ears, but sure enough it was Eddie in his car with Carlotta and Dog. He went outside to meet them.

"When I told you about the wedding on the phone, I didn't mean you had to come," Thaddeus said though he was grinning.

Eddie spread his arms out with a flourish. "Couldn't let you get married without a best man."

"You old son of a gun," Thaddeus said, drawing him into a hug.

Carlotta smiled at them. "I'll go join the wedding guests. Do dogs normally attend weddings here in Gene Autry land?"

"Not usually, no," Eddie said, smiling. "He'll be okay in the car."

Carlotta went inside the sanctuary and Thaddeus and Eddie to the choir room.

"So you found Carlotta?" It was a statement more than a question.

"I found her. She was regretting running off without me. It didn't take hardly no effort at all to talk her into returning with me for your wedding. I really think it's going to work out between us, Sledge."

"That's good to hear."

"So, uh, is there a ring or something I need to hold onto for you?"

"I was about to forget." He reached into his jacket pocket first the right one and then the left one. "Oh, no," he said, a definite note of panic in his voice. "I stuck it in my pocket this morning. I know I did."

"Relax. Did you check your pants pocket?"

Thaddeus breathed a huge sigh of relief when he felt the ring in his front right pants pocket. He drew it out and handed it over to Eddie. "Thank the Lord. Crystal would've killed me."

"That's why you need a best man. Grooms can't think straight on their wedding days."

"I reckon that's true."

"Your nervousness ain't cause you're getting cold feet, is it?" Eddie asked with a raised brow.

"Not a chance. Look at the inside of the ring."

The ring was as simple a gold wedding band as they made and had come with the engagement ring, but he'd had it specially engraved with 'Forever'. It was a word that would've scared him at one time. His philosophy had always been to live for the day and not consider tomorrow, but he knew he wanted all his tomorrows to include Crystal and he wanted her assured of that fact every time she looked at it. He meant the single word with all his heart. No more was he going to roam either on foot or with his eye.

"That's nice," Eddie remarked. "Crystal'll like it. Funny how love turns you into a sap, ain't it?"

"Yeah, but you know what? It feels good to be a sap."

"Kind of does. Now that we have women to keep us in line, I wonder who Floresville will find to gossip about now?"

"Oh, I imagine they'll find somebody. I'm just glad it won't be us."

sss

Vioreen had stepped out for a moment to run to the bathroom. Crystal used the time to check her reflection one last time. She wore her hair down with a long, see-through veil covering it. Her ivory dress had transparent bell sleeves and a full, floor-length skirt.

She liked what she saw in the mirror now. Not in a vain way but the person she saw in the mirror was a person she could respect again, someone who was genuinely trying to follow God's commands in all aspects of their life.

"They said they're ready for us to line up at the door," Vioreen said when she returned.

She picked up her bouquet of red roses and baby's breath. "I'm ready."

She thought she would have to walk down the aisle alone, which wouldn't have bothered her, but Bea wanted her to know that she always had a church family to lean on and had offered to walk her down the aisle.

"Your daddy would have been proud," Bea told her. "In fact, I kind of believe he is. I don't think the saints are totally ignorant of happenings here on earth if all of heaven rejoices when one soul is won."

"Thank you. Thank you for saying that and well, thank you for treating me the same as you always have."

"I'd be a poor Christian if it I didn't," Bea said. "Ain't none of us that does good all the time."

"I guess that's so. I've been doing a poor job of attending church since Justin died," Vioreen said, speaking of her late husband. "Maybe I'll start closing the café Sunday mornings again."

"We'd love to have you," Bea said.

The wedding music began. Thaddeus and Crystal had made the wedding open invitation and the church was surprisingly packed with well-wishers.

Vioreen went out first followed by Bea and Pastor Steven's granddaughter, who was the flower girl. The little girl was conservative with the petals, but when she reached the end of the aisle, she turned and started to toss the leftovers into the air madly. The embarrassed girl's mother tried to control her with her eyes, but it was a lost cause, the girl was blissfully unaware. Crystal and Thaddeus didn't mind though. They were amused by it; the day was already perfect in their eyes.

"We are gathered here today before God, our families, and friends to celebrate the marriage of Thaddeus Rose and Crystal Fentress," Pastor Steven began after the bride had reached her groom. "We are gathered to rejoice in the gift of love that our Creator shares with us. We affirm today that God who is both the Creator and Sustainer of life desires us to fully experience our humanity. None of us can be an island isolated without need of community with others. We offer praise and thanks to God who has blessed us with the wonder of life, breath, hearts, minds and souls. We rejoice in the realization that we are most alive when we wholeheartedly embrace the gifts that God has given us, especially God's gift of love in all the ways that gift is bestowed."

Crystal and Thaddeus smiled at each other, appreciative of the words the preacher had chosen.

"It has been said that through others, we are complete. Through marriage, we broaden our circle of family and friends and recall those who gave us life, who are still members of that unbroken, heavenly circle. It is in this spirit of remembrance that Thaddeus and Crystal would like to light memorial candles for their loved ones who are no longer among us."

Crystal and Thaddeus were given lighters and lit two long, thin white candles.

"The couple will now recite their vows," Steven said.

They'd memorized their wedding vows ahead of time.

"I, Thaddeus Rose," he said, smiling because it was one of the few time he admitted his full name, "take you, Crystal Fentress, to be my lawfully wedded wife, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God and our friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live."

Her eyes glistened at the love in his voice and expression. She'd dreamed of this day so many times, but it was better than she could have imagined. She returned the vow with an equal outpouring of love. "I, Crystal Fentress, take you, Thaddeus Rose, to be my lawfully wedded husband, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God and our friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live."

"Your rings are circles," Steven said, "and like circles have no beginning and no end in the sacred tradition of marriage. Rings have come to symbolize eternal love and the endless union of body, of mind, and spirit. May the presence of these rings always remind you of the eternal love you have pledged and the devotion you willingly share with one another from this moment on."

Eddie handed Thaddeus the ring for Crystal.

"Thaddeus, please repeat after me," Steven said. "I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow."

"I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow."

"And with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you, in the Name of the Father, and the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."

"And with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you, in the Name of the Father, and the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."

"You may now place the ring on her finger."

Vioreen handed Crystal the gold ring she had gotten for Thaddeus.

"Crystal, please repeat after me. I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow."

"I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow."

"And with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you, in the Name of the Father, and the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."

"And with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you, in the Name of the Father, and the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."

"You may now place the ring on his finger."

"Now that Thaddeus and Crystal have given themselves to each other by solemn vows, with the joining of hands and the giving and receiving of a ring, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Those whom God has joined together, let no one put asunder. You may now seal your promises with a kiss."

Their first kiss as man and wife was as sweet and loving as it could be.

They took the candles they had lit earlier and used them to light the unity candle, a beautiful symbol of how the two had now become one.

Vioreen handed Crystal her bouquet back and Pastor Steven said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce to you, Mr. & Mrs. Rose."

The piano lady struck the keys and her high soprano voice sang "Rose of My Heart" as the wedding party made their exit to the fellowship hall.

After a couple of quick wedding photos, it was time to cut into the tiered cake.

They held the cake server together and cut off small pieces for themselves.

"Don't you do it," she warned, knowing him too well.

He only smiled as he brought the cake slowly up to her mouth and at the last second tipped her nose in it so that it was dotted with icing.

"You did it," she said, shaking her head but smiling.

He got it off with a swipe of his pointer finger and this time he made it made it to her mouth. He lost his smile as her teeth scraped his finger and desire replaced his playfulness.

He never saw her left hand steering the cake straight for his chin. She gave him a nice little goatee.

"That's not fair," he laughed. "I was much nicer to you."

Her animated laughter made him laugh harder, but she did have the decency to wipe it off with a napkin and she gave him a quick kiss for his troubles.

There were plenty of awws from the wedding guests at the cuteness of the couple.

Eddie gave a toast as everyone took up their glasses of nonalcoholic punch. "I couldn't think of two nicer people that a thing like marriage could have happened to. And I know Crystal's going to take good care of you, my friend, and you'll take good care of her too. Heck, it feels like ya'll have already been married for years. But congratulations cause I know better than anybody how long this day was coming. To Crystal and Sledge."

"To Crystal and Sledge," everyone echoed.

The married couple interlocked arms as they took the first sips together. Then they sat down at a table with Vioreen, Eddie, and Carlotta to eat their cake and finish their punch.

"I guess it'll be ya'll's wedding we'll be going to next," Thaddeus commented.

"Not for awhile," Eddie and Carlotta said at the same time and then smiled at each other.

Crystal and Thaddeus gave each other secret smiles. They wouldn't be making any bets on that.

"Let's get the presents out to the truck and get out of here," Thaddeus whispered in Crystal's ear when all the refreshments had been served and they'd finished their own.

"It is starting to get dark," she agreed. "It won't make us seem too overeager."

After saying their goodbyes and thank yous to everyone and using needing to get back to the cattle as an excuse, they slipped away to enjoy the rest of their wedding day alone.


	27. Chapter 27

They didn't have the money to go anywhere fancy for their honeymoon, but Crystal couldn't think of anywhere she'd rather go than home, knowing that Thaddeus called it home now too.

"Wait a minute, Mrs. Rose," he warned out on the porch. He picked her up and carried her across the threshold.

"That's going to take some getting used to being called Mrs. Rose," Crystal said with a laugh. "I've been Miss Fentress for so long."

He set her down again and she looked to the truck where all the wedding gifts were piled in the truck bed. "You know we could open the presents first," she said.

"There's only one present I want to open right now," he said, looking at her suggestively.

Her smile said she felt the same way. She took a hold of his wrist and led him to the bed. "Wait right here."

"I'm not going anywhere," he said, sitting down on it, "but what are you going?"

"I got something special for the occasion," she told him before going into the bathroom.

She'd bought a nightie. It was different from her regular nightgown, which was a matronly, flower-studded flannel piece. This was a silky, lacey dark blue number with spaghetti straps and a hem that hit her mid thigh and a transparent housecoat of the same color to cover it.

She touched the webbed lines next to her eyes and on her brow. There wasn't much she could do about that, but she brushed her hair to hide the few strands of silver grays that ornamented her hair. Satisfied with the way she looked, she went back out.

She chuckled softly when she saw that he had fallen asleep, but the laughter woke him up and he became wide awake when he saw what she was wearing.

"You like it?" she asked with pink cheeks.

"Like it? I love it." He scooted himself down to the corner of the bed and reached for her hands.

Though she went, she had butterflies in her stomach. They hadn't been together in months that was true, but she was no young, blushing bride and this was far from their first time. So why was she feeling this way?

She didn't fool him for a minute. He could tell how she was feeling. "I know why you're nervous, baby. You're afraid that we've gone and built a castle in the air. That if you allow yourself to relax and enjoy it, it's going to be gone. I'm going to be gone."

That was exactly what it was she realized. How did he know her better than she knew herself?

"But you have nothing to worry about. I meant what I said to you today." He pulled off her wedding ring and showed her the engraving. "Forever."

"You think you're ever going to miss the old ways?" Not the most romantic question she could have asked at the moment but it was what was on her mind. "The girls, the drinking, the freedom of coming and going as you please?"

They'd touched on faithfulness, sobriety, and respecting and being accountable to your spouse in the pre-marriage counseling with Pastor Steven, but they hadn't said much about it to each other alone.

"You've always been the only girl for me," he said. He replaced the ring. He still had her hands and he inched back up to the headboard with her following on the side.

It was a romantic answer but not the one she was looking for. "But that's the thing. I'm not just a girl anymore. I'm your wife. Things will be different. I'll be different. I can't be as accommodating as I once was. I'll expect more help, more of your time. And if you were to mess around with-"

He pulled her down beside him and put a finger to her lips. "I'm a new man now. I grew tired of chasing the old things, but I imagine there'll be times when the old, ugly me wants to rear its head. We'll always be at war with ourselves and old Satan until we reach heaven, but with you and God on my side to keep me out of trouble and off the streets, how can I lose? The bottom line is I'm happy. We will be happy together."

Her frown lines relaxed into a smile. "I know. If I didn't think that, if I didn't believe that, I wouldn't have said I do, but it's nice to hear it all the same." She kissed him as lightly as she had after their wedding vows.

"I love you, Crystal," he said, his voice fraught with passion and raw emotion.

She treasured the words each time she heard them as if precious jewels were falling from his lips. "Oh, Thaddeus. I love you too."

Their bodies melded against each other and the tension and the excitement of the day found a sweet and fiery release.

sss

The sun was up and shining. Her hair glowed in the soft morning light and he smiled. She belonged to him in a way she never had before. It was wonderful waking up next to her and feeling no embarrassment over the events of the night. His fingers stroked her bare arms.

She stirred. "This is so much better than an alarm clock. You know last night was pretty amazing. Maybe we ought to go months in between times more often."

His lips found the sensitive spot behind her ear that rarely failed to get her in the mood. "You'd never make it," he teased.

Crystal smiled wide and enjoyed his ministrations. He'd never taken the initiative in the morning before. Sometimes she had been able to persuade him into another round, but it had always taken a lot of work on her part.

Her fingers curled into his hair, which he kept just long enough to make it delightful to grasp, while he explored and devoured her neck.

She groaned when she saw the time on the clock. They had to get up and get ready for church. Certainly she was sure most folks would have understood if they didn't come for church the morning after their wedding, but she wanted to start married life right and she knew he did too. "We got to get a move on."

"I suppose so," he grumbled.

Crystal enjoyed dressing for church together, sharing the bathroom, and having somebody to talk to. Little things that most married people took for granted.

Church was lovely. They had so much to praise and thank God for. They were both glad they hadn't skipped it.

After church, they opened the presents.

Thaddeus started with Eddie's. "That Eddie," he said with a laugh and showed her the gift. "His and hers rolling pins."

"Well, I reckon I could use a new rolling pin, but I never heard of his and her rolling pins before." She fingered the pink and blue bows on the ends.

He gave her the note to read so it would become more clear. 'To help you two solve any fights ya'll may have. My money's on Crystal though. Sorry, Sledge.'

Crystal laughed. "He's so goofy." She put the note back in the envelope. "Mrs. Brooks was telling me she thinks his house may have sold. Some young couple was talking about looking it over and they seem like serious buyers."

"That's good. The way he and Carlotta want to travel around this'll give them some money to do it on."

"Yep, he can that camper he was talking about at the wedding."

Steven and Bea had gotten them a big family Bible. They took the time to ink in their wedding date and family history.

After opening them all, they spent the rest of the afternoon writing thank you notes.

Crystal fixed a big Sunday dinner: pork roast, turnip greens, mashed potatoes, and rolls, while Thaddeus took care of the farm chores.

The moist meat practically melted in his mouth. The turnip greens didn't taste the least bit like turnip greens thanks to the bacon grease, and the mashed potatoes were the butteriest he'd ever had. The fluffy rolls with the pat of fresh butter made him feel like he'd died and gone to heaven. Then he knew he had when it was topped off with a slice of angel cake.

"Don't think this is going to be this an everyday occurrence," Crystal said when they were both sufficiently stuffed. "We're both going to have to start watching our cholesterol. I just wanted you to know what you were missing all those years."

"What's that mean? No more bacon grease or fried foods? Our southern mothers and grandmothers will be turning over in their graves."

"I think they'd understand if they saw the results of you last cholesterol test."

"That quack. He should have his license revoked. Isn't that breaking the confidentiality agreement to tell you about it?"

"Yeah, probably is, but Dr. Miller was good friends with my daddy. That comes in handy sometimes."

He muttered about small towns as he brought the dirty dishes over to the sink where she was starting to wash up the dishes.

"What do you say we forget about housework for awhile?" he asked, his hands doing their part in trying to light a fire.

"You know what would really turn me on right now? If you took out the trash," she said it teasingly, but she really did want him to take out the trash.

Thaddeus grinned. He'd almost forgotten he'd married a workaholic, but he didn't regret it for a moment. Besides, one of them had to be the responsible one. So he took out the trash. Fortunately, two people didn't create a lot of dishes and she was done by the time he got back or at least she looked done.

"You ready for bed?" he asked.

She leaned against the cabinet. "I still have to scrub the pot after it finishes soaking. It was having a tough time coming clean."

"Leave it. It'll still be there in the morning ," he said, slipping his arms around her middle. He punctuated his case with a kiss to her temple.

It was Crystal's turn to grin. Thaddeus didn't mind messes and there was something to be said for learning to live with a little dirt as long as one didn't let it go overboard.

They were two very different people and if either one of them had let it, tonight could have ended up turning into an argument. She wasn't so doe-eyed and naive that she thought they would always be avoided. There would be fights, but at the end of the day their differences made them stronger. Marriage made them stronger.


	28. Chapter 28

10 months they'd been married. Thaddeus couldn't say married life was always easy. Nothing worthwhile ever was. It had been an adjustment for sure, but he was content. More content than he ever thought possible. Anytime they got ready to say things they might regret, Thaddeus took a walk or Crystal went for a ride. Usually down to the lake. By the time they got back, they were almost always ready to make up.

"Thaddeus!" Crystal called from inside the house

Her shout drew him out of his thoughts with a start, causing him to knock over the bucket and for the milk to spill out. He cursed not because of the milk but because it concerned him. She wouldn't call for him like that for nothing. He was breathless from running when he got up to the house.

She was there by the phone, the receiver in her hand. His coming in made her realize she still held it and she hung up.

"I'm pregnant. We're going to have a baby," she said, sounding kind of breathless herself.

"How do you know? I mean are you sure?"

"I just got off the phone with Dr. Miller. He got the test results back. It's as sure as sure can be." She was smiling now.

"That's wonderful!" He rushed to her and hugged her tight but then quickly released his hold. "Oh, should I be doing that?"

"I'm having a baby, not turning into glass," she said with a short laugh.

"A baby. Well, maybe that Dr. Miller's not such a quack after all." He still resented him because of his change in diet. Grilled chicken was just was not as good as fried chicken no matter how you sliced it, but Crystal allowed him to cheat on his diet every now and then. This bit of good news was enough to make him resent the good doctor a little less though.

He gave her a happy kiss. Then pulled away. "You're 48. Almost 49," he said as if just realizing it for the first time.

"You ain't exactly a spring chicken yourself," she said, her spirits too high to truly be annoyed with the comment.

"I know, but do you realize we'll be in our late 60s when he graduates high school?"

"So we will. Could be worse. We could be in our 90s like Abraham and Sarah and be in our 100s before he graduates."

"This is serious. Are you and the baby going to be okay?"

"I'm sure Dr. Miller would have said something if there was a reason to worry, but if it'll make you feel better, we'll go down and get some brochures or something."

"Good idea and talk to Dr. Miller while we're at it."

He helped her into her coat and she chuckled. He was going to be one of those husbands who treated his wife like a china doll while she was pregnant, but she thought it was very cute and just showed the depth of his love.

He grabbed her elbow and helped her down the steps as if she were already full term. On the other hand, this could get annoying. She hoped Dr. Miller was able to set his mind at ease.

sss

Eddie and Carlotta were married in a civil ceremony in San Antonio. Thaddeus and Crystal served as the obligatory witnesses. Carlotta hadn't wanted the fuss of a full out wedding.

It was short and sweet. An "I do" after the judge gave them the traditional vows and an exchange of rings.

Thaddeus did his best man speech after the happy couple had sealed their vows with a kiss.

"I know a lot of folks have asked why Crystal and I got married after all this time. Well, I'll tell you it's cause there's a part of a person that longs to love another with everything they've got. Because you need a friend who can see past your faults. A friend who can see the person God created you to be and who's there in the night to warm you and pray for you. Marriage is a chance to grow in love and friendship and is a true accomplishment. Some people expect their partner to make them whole instead of Christ and when they don't, they begin to seek love in all the wrong places, but I've been blessed because I believe God led me to Crystal for His holy purpose and for my sake. I know you two were also so blessed to find each other. I knew that when I saw you two in the diner together. Good luck to you both, but I don't think you'll need it."

There was no reception afterward. They were going straight to their honeymoon. A free snapshot was part of the ceremony. Eddie and Carlotta stood on the steps of city hall while the judge snapped the picture.

"Can we get one with our friends too?" Eddie asked.

"Why not?" the Judge said.

Thaddeus ad Crystal ascended the steps again.

"You sure you want a pregnant woman in your wedding picture?" Crystal asked Carlotta with a smile.

"Better it be someone in the wedding party pregnant than the bride," Carlotta said with a laugh. "And you look lovely. You're positively glowing."

After the judge had handed Carlotta the two photos and went back inside, Thaddeus asked, "You never did say where you were going on your honeymoon."

"We're going on a cross country trip," Eddie answered, looking toward their camper.

"That sounds fun. Be sure to send us lots of picture postcards," Thaddeus said.

"And hopefully you're better at it than someone else I know," Crystal teased.

Eddie laughed appreciatively "We're going to Florida first to see my parents. Let's just hope Momma forgives me for eloping."

"Oh, I expect she will a grandbaby or two later," Thaddeus said.

"One thing at a time now," Carlotta warned. "I'm not ready for no baby."

"I'll call in regular to let you know where we are," Eddie said, "cause I want to know the minute our godchild is born."

They said their goodbyes and Eddie and Carlotta went west with Dog while Thaddeus and Crystal went southward back to Floresville.

Crystal couldn't quite make it all the way to the house thanks to her pregnancy and Thaddeus had to stop in town, so she could have a restroom break. She all but ran into Vioreen's café.

2 of his old drinking buddies were on the sidewalk doing much of nothing unless heckling was considered a proper past time. He ignored them as he rested against the truck. They'd done nothing but make fun of his faith and try to coax him back to the honky tonk; they'd gotten mad when none of it had worked.

Crystal wasn't gone long. He opened the truck door for her and helped her back in, even buckling her up since she was at that awkward stage.

"She's got him whipped," said one drinking buddy audibly to the other.

Kid balled his fists ready to teach them both a lesson and whip them. Maybe that would stop their foolishness for awhile.

But Crystal's hands covered his fists, calming him down. "It's not worth it. They just want to make you uncomfortable because they're uncomfortable with the change in you. You'd probably make their day if you gave them fat lips."

She was right. They weren't worth it and what kind of example did he want to set for his child? Might as well start being that example now. So he paid no attention to their laughter as he got back in.

Out on the porch, Crystal exclaimed, "Thaddeus, he's kicking!"

He quickly knelt down in front of her rounded belly, keys to the house laying forgotten by his shoe, and felt for it. He was rewarded with a small, little thump.

"Did you feel it? I sure did. He's going to be as strong as his daddy," Crystal said.

"What makes you so sure it's going to be a boy?"

"I just have a feeling and Ms. Bea thinks so too by the way I'm carrying and no one can remember the last time she was wrong."

"Well, far be it from to doubt Ms. Bea," he said with a grin.

"And we're naming our son Thaddeus."

"Oh, no. No. You can't tie the next generation with that name," Thaddeus said.

"Why can't I? There's not a name I love more because there's not a person I love more. It's my favorite name."

When she put it that way, how could he refuse? Besides, if they shortened it down to Thad or Tad, it didn't sound so bad.

He thought he could make out the sound of the baby's heartbeat or maybe it was Crystal's.

The idea of a house, a home, had been an unpleasant one in his mind, almost suffocating, because he had associated it with his uncle. Home with his uncle had been a cold, confining, unhappy place and he had always longed to escape it, to hear the sound of the screen door swinging shut behind him. He'd unfairly assumed that all homes would be this way, but he understood now that home wasn't these four walls. Home was a heartbeat. It was wherever Crystal and now this baby were. And he thanked God for showing him the way home.

The End


End file.
